Today, I was mugged by a street preacher. The same one who'd earlier in the day screamed at me for being an evil sinner. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a drunk man wearing a sandwich-board proclaiming that, "The end is nigh" threw some so-called holy water at me while bellowing, "It's what Jesus would've wanted" and that I should "repent for being an evil shite." FML
Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML
Today, I went out of my way to avoid street preachers thrusting hateful propaganda at me. A young woman ran up to me and started waving paper in my face, and I snapped at her to fuck off. Right afterwards I realised she was returning something that fell out of my pocket. She looked terrified. FML
Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML
Today, I was mugged by a guy in a Santa suit. FML
Today, while going to work, I was mugged. On the way back, I was mugged. FML
Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML
Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? Go on then." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML
Today, while walking down the street, I was violently beaten up by a man in a Darth Vader outfit. FML
Today, I got mugged. For an actual mug. FML
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Top comments
Soloman212 28
Maybe he wanted to take judgement into his own hands? Or maybe it was a facade so he could later catch you off guard. No one suspects the priests.
courtney680 17
Oh the irony..
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Comments (96)
timelessone 16
"This just in..." *newscaster*
perdix 31
He was just trying to extract the sin from you by forcefully removing your demonic cash from your person. Sounds legit.
peacelovecoffee 20
Because money is the root of all evil .
rattusrattus 19
* Love of money, actually. I refuse to see how the £2 I used for a week's worth of instant noodles to be evil, apart from the fact that any instant noodle you can buy a week's worth for £2 is pretty damn foul-tasting. I'm gonna take up being a mugger-preacher.
FightMyLiger 19
God lifts you up, priest lifts your wallet.
wjh100 13
well @predix there was a recent news story about a women that got a huge inherirance, and gave it to a psychic who convinced her it was tainted and it would cause her to do evil things. the psychic claimed she would cleanse it. needless to say that women is one inheritance poorer
Solid_Hippo 4
Career changes, we all have em
Uhscanherdarklee 10
He just wanted to free you from the burdens of your worldly possessions and deliver you from temptation. Dont be rude, say thank you OP!
limitedition 25
The ones who point fingers are usually the biggest bastards.
ninneyfooda 16
On the positive, if you're going, you'll see him in hell - Kiss reference, yes!
alwayswinning123 7
Act of the devil?
c4rpi0 20
Street preacher by day mugger by night
lb0812 18
Well most of the "street preachers" near my campus double as homeless bums and drug addicts. So this is actually not very far fetched according to my experience
jaguar45b 7
Everybodie's gotta make a living.