Today, I was made aware that my teenage son used "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter" as a reference point in a class debate as if it was a biopic. Oh dear. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that my son thinks it's acceptable to use words like "on fleek" in high school level essays. FML
Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year-old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML
Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said they were for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML
Today, my son gave a beautiful eulogy at his uncle's funeral. At the pub afterwards, a bunch of family and friends told me what he did was pathetic, shameful, and an absolute disgrace. Turns out he plagiarised the entire eulogy, word for word, from a movie. FML
Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML
Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML
Today, my son was on Facebook while he was supposed to be studying. He called me a liar and accused me of making up excuses to chew him out. How do I know he was online? He liked and commented on a video I posted. My son is a dumbass. FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
Today, I came across one of the pitfalls of having open discussions with my 15-year-old son when he asked me how to shave his pubes. FML
Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML
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Top comments
theten_fml 9
Abe Lincoln freed the slaves after he returned from hunting vampires on his unicorn.
DocBastard 40
If Abraham Lincoln had actually gone around killing sparkly vampires, he'd have been my hero for TWO reasons.
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Comments (106)
LennyComa 39
your son needs slapped with a history book.
emeraldisle 30
I'd like to believe Lincoln hunted vampires. It would make American history so much more interesting.
Boygenius50 8
That's disgraceful. We all know Honest Abe hunted werewolves.
rattusrattus 19
Yeah. I mean, how could your son get Abraham Lincoln, werewolf hunter, mixed up with William Gladstone, vampire slayer?
mrboomstik 3
Looks like he's either highly creative or you've raised one hell of an idiot...
Iknowsomestuff 9
I don't know which is worse, that the kid really thought Abe hunted vampires or that he really thinks there are vampires to hunt.
Boygenius50 8
If there WERE vampires to hunt, you best believe Lincoln would have been a pretty badass vampire hunter.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Abraham Lincoln: Freed the slaves, killed vampires, and wore an awesome hat. He is my hero.
HeyArnold91 8
Dot forget the beard! The beard was greatness!
htownpostman 16
Well it is common knowledge that was was quite the accomplished vampire hunter, just a rarely used fact! LoL
gracehi 33
How foolish of your son! Everyone knows that Abraham Lincoln didn't slay vampires...he trained his army of werewolves to do it for him. Sheesh! Good luck with that kid of yours!
itsameally 2
Give him credit for skill and creativity haha:p
ForeverAloneGal 23
Hurt him. That kind of stupidity doesn't go unpunished.
DocBastard 40
Right you are. Ignorance is best treated with violence. Get the guillotine ready if he ever makes a mistake in maths.
eirianna 0
I concur. This is just plain ridiculous. I couldn't imagine allowing my children to grow up so stupid.
ManInTheMachine 20
Yeah erianna, if they don't know something, just beat the stupid out of them! If they don't grow up stupid, try might as well grow up violent and abusive, right? Don't have children.
ManInTheMachine 20
*they
ForeverAloneGal 23
Did I say bludgeon, maim or, kill him. No. Smack him upside the head for using that particular resource in an academic setting.
ManInTheMachine 20
ForeverAloneGal: That will still accomplish nothing. Just TELL him to use legitimate sources, or at least ones that aren't from a fictional movie. Smacking him on the head, no matter how much he deserves it, will do nothing. Also, next time be more specific. 'Hurt him' provides a very wide spectrum of violence.
eirianna 0
Lol I wouldn't actually beat my children but they would be sitting at the desk with history books for days. That is more of a suitable punishment. I have 2 kids and neither are this dumb because as a good parent I sit with them and help them. It's important that children learn at a young age what is real and fake.
gracehi 33
Wow, maninthemachine, you sure let that troll reel you in like a trout.