Today, I was made aware that my teenage son used "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter" as a reference point in a class debate as if it was a biopic. Oh dear. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that my son thinks it's acceptable to use words like "on fleek" in high school level essays. FML
Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year-old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML
Today, my son asked me if the short films I write are for little kids or for adults. Since I write horror-filled films, I said they were for adults. He went and told his teacher that I made "adult films". FML
Today, my son gave a beautiful eulogy at his uncle's funeral. At the pub afterwards, a bunch of family and friends told me what he did was pathetic, shameful, and an absolute disgrace. Turns out he plagiarised the entire eulogy, word for word, from a movie. FML
Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML
Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML
Today, my son was on Facebook while he was supposed to be studying. He called me a liar and accused me of making up excuses to chew him out. How do I know he was online? He liked and commented on a video I posted. My son is a dumbass. FML
Today, I came across one of the pitfalls of having open discussions with my 15-year-old son when he asked me how to shave his pubes. FML
Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML
Today, I was told that my son has Twitter and Facebook accounts that he uses to try to bully people online, some of which are celebrities. He does it really badly, though. FML
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Top comments
theten_fml 9
Abe Lincoln freed the slaves after he returned from hunting vampires on his unicorn.
DocBastard 40
If Abraham Lincoln had actually gone around killing sparkly vampires, he'd have been my hero for TWO reasons.
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Comments (106)
olpally 33
Creative, yet very odd... Sounds like another chris griffin in the making... Be afraid op... Lol.
anythingmustbe 18
Freeing the slaves by day, Hunting Vampires by night hopefully those twilight ones.
ConBroChilll 9
I dont want to live on this planet anymore.
ElricMustang 23
Have a nice leave, 45
drkate25 30
#45--Ok bye!
kakarot2 11
Abraham Lincon did not free the slaves...
ryry013 6
81 has some validity to his statement. The emancipation proclamation freed the slaves, but Abraham Lincoln has no power over what's legal and what isn't, especially in a country which is not his own. Once the civil war was over, the amendment was passed that outlawed slavery. However, Abraham is generally credited with the freeing of the slaves, 81.
mikeofthunder 13
Well said 86.. But some people like to give Honest Abe more than just "credit"; as people, like Tim Burton, thought he was truly awesome!
PYLrulz 17
Look at the bright side... He isn't into Twilight... I hope
domking1315 20
Not according to #2
theten_fml 9
Abe Lincoln freed the slaves after he returned from hunting vampires on his unicorn.
TrueTriage 16
.. With Chuck Norris
annie_nk 23
It's true! He couldn't have the vampires going after the slaves.
GracieC 4
Lmao unicorn?
maxmex13 7
People had slaves as body sheilds from the vampires for their owners. Once Lincoln eradicated them all, slaves were no longer required
HelloGuys 4
Actually the slaves had magical powers & created vampires to feed on there slave owners because they didnt want to expose there magical essence to the unworthy. Vampires were the perfect distraction. Then lincoln had to go kill them all. ( lol i expect many downvotes, but i wanted to add a twist to the story) :3
mikeofthunder 13
Nooooo the slaves didn't create the vampires, they just conjured them! It was their ancestors in Africa that created them and then one, Count Dracula, thought it was too bloody sunny so moved to Transylvania! Thus beginning universal vampire mobility.. Including the United States of America.
abu4u 26
It isn't?! -_-
Javee 17
They expect us to believe anything nowadays.
amandajlucas2015 2
The movie did have some historical accuracy too it so if he was young I could see y he would get confused.. Maybe lol
RaggleFrock 13
Here's a fact everyone should know: vampires are not real.
pmadNess 16
67, According to every show on history channel, " there's no evidence that they don't exist!" I'm joking of course! Just so you pessimistic FMLers know...
Stormdriven37 6
72 You went full retard, man. Never go full retard.
xavierpineda2 4
I'm feel so bad for you OP. on that note, what an idiot!!! LMAO
FarSide 23
McJob candidate.
gman90210 18
Must a college grad u ate
LMFAOwned 9
I have no idea what any of you are saying.
TBelle4Ever 15
Is he 5? Only saying this because I believed Jack and Rose from Titanic were real people when I was 5.
mrboomstik 3
*SPOILER ALERT*
westcoastkp 13
Titanic is based off a real event.
alycion 39
32 you just shattered my life long dream. Next you will tell me Santa isn't real.
onlychildFTW 34
Santa is as real as Christmas!
nado13579 12
My dream when I was younger was to catch all the Pokemon. I believed that one day I'd set on my journey to catch them all. :D
BusyBanker111 2
Rose from Titanic was a real person.....
ColdplaySucks 18
I hope you weren't serious about that comment.
KatetheGeek 0
Dude when I was younger I always though Buffy the vampire slayer was real. I wanted to be like Willow and be an awesome witch, but then my sis shattered my dreams by telling me none of it was real. :/
PhishloverA 14
Idk #8 it says teenage son
TBelle4Ever 15
I was trying to be sarcastic.
RogueWarrior869 23
Santa was a real person. He's long since dead, but his ghost brings us presents, if we're good!
mpalmiter 0
Sorry OP FYL. But thank you for making me feel better about my kids. LOL
DocBastard 40
If Abraham Lincoln had actually gone around killing sparkly vampires, he'd have been my hero for TWO reasons.
zingline89 18
The first being that he was able to grow that badass beard you've always wanted? It's okay Doogie, your peach fuzz will fill in sooner or later :)
zingline89 18
Holy shit. I made this comment totally off the cuff. Right after posting it, I did my weekly check on your blog and ran into your recent post basically talking about the fact that you have a baby face and can't grow facial hair. The sheer coincidence is freaking me out.
DocBastard 40
No, the first was that whole freeing the slaves thing.
HelloGuys 4
The second reason would be because he wouldve killed the cullens and put it on tape for all of us to watch and enjoy. With a side of popcorn
Warden1986 16
Our history is being torn apart, by these Hollywood movies on historical people. Pretty soon they'll think Benjamin Franklin was a president. However your kid should be old enough, or told movie are usual not true, and always dramatic drawn out. Sorry OP.
SammyS2012 21
It's not even Hollywood; some people are just not educated. I've had people in my high school AP classes thinking Ben Franklin WAS a president. Everyone else just stared at the person in shock.
Warden1986 16
Shame, unfortunately I know this all to well. I am a Revolutionary War re actor, and I went to do an presentation, at a American history class in a college where the student where majoring in history( for teaching I'm assuming). When I told them my name and I'm a revolutionary war re actor they asked me, if I was with the north or the south.
drkate25 30
If that were me, I would just point to the door and be like GTFO
RomanBeauty 0
History is ruined by movies... Yes... You know what else is a huge issue these days? Grammar. Grammar is an issue.
sirpantselot 22
It ain't never not gonna be un-fixed so never don't stop not telling dudez not to speak wrong.
ysmipha 3
I once broke up with a chick because she insisted there were only 48 states
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Someone in the 1800's did write a novel stating good ol' honest Abe did hunt down monsters of such.