Today, I was in a video chat with an old friend who I haven't talked to in years, and my mom walks in. The first thing she says is, "Did you close the toilet after you pooped? Cause today on the news I heard that your poop particles can fly up to 25 feet, landing on your toothbrush." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was taking a shower. My mom thinks it's ok to just walk in on someone when they are in there so she decides to take a crap. The worst part is she thought it would be less awkward to talk to me. FML
Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML
Today, while I was in the bathroom my mom walked in and tried to have a conversation with me about my bowel movements. I'm 23, and this is a regular thing. FML
Today, my mother tried to have a conversation with me. While she was taking a piss. With the bathroom door wide open. FML
Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML
Today, I was Skyping with a guy I'm really into. I'm not supposed to Skype at night, so when I heard my mum coming, I minimized the window. She walked in before I could mute my mic and started bitching me out for flushing my tampons down the toilet. FML
Today, my mom yelled at me for not pooping with the bathroom door open like the rest of the family. FML
Today, I went shopping with my mother. I needed to use the toilet, so entered a restaurant. After I left the toilet, my mother, who was near the restaurant's entrance, called out and asked, "Did you flush it?" Everyone heard her. And I'm 22 years old. FML
Today, I visited my mother's new apartment, and found a picture of yours truly hanging above her toilet, and I asked why it was there. She shrugged and said, "Because the thought of you makes me want to take a shit?" FML
Today, my mom screamed my name five times while I was on the toilet. When I was done, I went to her and she said, “Why the FUCK did you not immediately drop what you were doing and rush to help me with the dishes?” Apparently, the fact that I was pooping wasn’t a good enough excuse. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
Well, Orbit is always there to use afterwards. I'd still like to know where the hell they tested shit particles flying up in a parabolic arc 25 feet into the air though.
null_fml 11
Well, at least your old friend has a reason not to talk to you for years again.
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Comments (70)
allmidnighteyes 11
Well, Orbit is always there to use afterwards. I'd still like to know where the hell they tested shit particles flying up in a parabolic arc 25 feet into the air though.
So_Yeah 0
They test for bacteria present in faeces, and see where else its found. You have a whole colony of bacteria that lives exclusively in your colon, so if its found on your toothbrush there's only one place it could have come from... so unless some people have some rather odd hygeine rituals... its from the toilet.
mushoo_fml 0
Your toothbrush is stored 25 feet above the toilet?
xenomorph 0
More like when the toilet is flushed, air bubbles form, and when they pop, mist is sprayed everywhere. It's as effective as Glade in a can, only instead of a fragrance, it leaves [i]E. coli[/i] everywhere. And if you close the lid, next one to open it gets it in his/her face. Best countermeasure: the fan.
Reyo 2
I think a chip is inplanted into new parents that allowes them to talk about the most random ass shit at the worst time possible. I was on a wi-fi chat with a friend from school, and after hours and hours of not saying anything, my Mom decided that THIS 5 minute interval was the right time to descuss the underwear that was washing in the washingmachine. Dear lord...
brooksc33 0
Mythbusters, episode 12. The bacteria you are referring to was found on control toothbrushes that had not been exposed to a toilet.
fawfulster 11
LOL #44 YOU'RE RIGHT!!
lisaledger 0
HAHAH THAT MADE ME LOL SO MUCH #40
Gibby_fml 0
#51, i agree, mythbusters proved this wrong. shit and bacteria do not fly everywhere when you flush.
saddream 0
do you have to drink a lot of soda so your poo becomes carbonated and like fizzes or something to cause these particles to fly?
theatregrl2 0
it's the pressure of the water when you flush, not the poo itself
popatia 0
lmfao
null_fml 11
Well, at least your old friend has a reason not to talk to you for years again.
picturetaker 0
well, did you close it?
PsYcHoSOADLaDy 0
That's An Interesting Fact.... Um Ew
Witchcraft_fml 5
Your mum wins. Good to know that poop particles specifically target toothbrushes, though.
plexico 4
OK, but she should ask her mom is that why she is wearing that shit-eating grin.
Witchcraft_fml 5
More importantly, why is there corn stuck between her teeth?!
wazdog 4
FML for this?? Boo hoo you're friend knows you poop.
Witchcraft_fml 5
They've created an army. None are safe. Hide.
leggyxo 0
Hahahahahahahaha. The funny thing is my mom told me the same exact thing, except i wasnt chatting with a friend. I still dont close the toilet lid.