Today, I went with my girlfriend to her ex-boyfriend's house party. She got incredibly drunk and I spent the whole night looking after her when she was throwing up. In the brief moment before she passed out she said "thanks Matt, you're a great boyfriend." Matt is her ex. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was holding my drunken friend's hair while she threw up in the toilet at a party. She said, crying, "Y'don't have to do this..." I told her that that's what friends are for. She replied, "Yeah, but I did sleep with your boyfriend..." FML
Today, my boyfriend took me out to meet his friends. It was going really well until I left to use the bathroom and two of the girls with us came in and started talking about how creepy Matt's new girlfriend is and that they're happy he's going to dump her. My boyfriend is Matt. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
Today, I was upset after my boyfriend and I broke up. My best friend heard and told me she would be right over. Three hours of waiting later, she stumbles in wasted. She had been at the bar, with my ex, making sure he was okay. For me, I just got a list of all the drinks she had that night. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML
Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, It was my fiancé's 21st birthday party. It ended with him too drunk to walk and wailing about how much he misses an ex girlfriend of his that he dumped 4 years ago. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
genius_man16 1
God I hate that excuse. It is NOT a truth serum. It does leave you a little uninhibited and you can sometimes say truthful things, but if you take everything a drunk person says a "the whole truth" or whatever you are clearly a moron. Alcohol in my experience makes people mix things up more than it is a "truth serum." I would guess that she said "Matt" more because it was his party, and less because she still has feelings for him. Is there a possibility she does? Sure, but I wouldn't bet on it. /rant
kayceesaysfyl 0
you shoulda left her then and there
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (94)
o_O_0_o 0
Ouch. That sucks :/
nonotme 0
YDI for letting ANYONE get drunk under your watch. Idiot.
smilertylerfudge 0
she was drunk.. what you were doing was helpful and since she was drunk she thought your name was matt duhh
FallenNevermorE 0
#43 lol I hope you're being sarcastic
Uncle_Moe_Lester 3
she was drunk and in matts bathroom give her a break
kayceesaysfyl 0
you shoulda left her then and there
BussellRishop 0
To be fair, Matt is delicious.
cocainewhore 30
Few years late, but he shouldn't have left, she just got the names confused, it isn't like she's still in love with him
cyamour 0
Ouchhhhhh, horrible.
_neutrality 0
Alcohol is a truth serum, she obvs still has feelings for her ex.
genius_man16 1
God I hate that excuse. It is NOT a truth serum. It does leave you a little uninhibited and you can sometimes say truthful things, but if you take everything a drunk person says a "the whole truth" or whatever you are clearly a moron. Alcohol in my experience makes people mix things up more than it is a "truth serum." I would guess that she said "Matt" more because it was his party, and less because she still has feelings for him. Is there a possibility she does? Sure, but I wouldn't bet on it. /rant
sublime93 0
I agree with #8, she was drunk so she just mixed up who's party it was, with her current boyfriend. People mix up what they mean all the time when they're drunk, they don't always spit out the truth.
xloadedxx 0
please stop acting like your a know-it-all when it comes to being drunk. it makes me feel bad for you.
kiwi0805 3
Man, I meant to put a thumbs up for #8 but I accidentally put the thumbs down :(
metheonlyb 17
Well if she has just broke up with her ex then probably she still has some feeling for him!
plexico 4
No, it's GOOD for you. You want her to associate HIS name with vomiting instead of yours. While she was passed out your should have left her a pearl necklace or another reminder of what you expected during the course of the evening.
geetface 0
Hahahahaha hell yeah!
JohnSlider 0
Women can't even remember how to cook and clean properly, now we expect them to remember our names?
E3Q 0
Oh you are an idiot!
Person1233 13
………………………………….__……………………………………………… ……………………………,-~*`¯lllllll`*~,………………………………………….. ………………………,-~*`lllllllllllllllllllllllllll¯`*-,…………………………………… ………………….,-~*llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll*-,……………………………….. ………………,-*llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.………………………………. …………….;*`lllllllllllllllllllllllllll,-~*~-,llllllllllllllllllll……………………………… …………….lllllllllllllllllllllllllll/………..;;;;llllllllllll,-`~-,………………………….. ……………..lllllllllllllllllllll,-*………….`~-~-,…(.(¯`*,`,…………………………. ……………….llllllllllll,-~*……………………)_-..*`*;..)………………………… …………………,-*`¯,*`)…………,-~*`~………………/…………………………. …………………|/…/…/~,……-~*,-~*`;………………./.………………………… ………………./…/…./…./..,-,..*~,.`*~*………………*………………………….. ……………….|…/…/…./.*`……………………………..)….)¯`~,……………….. ……………….|./…./…./……..)………)`*~-,…………../…..|..)…`~-,………….. ………………/./…/….,*`-,…..`-,….*`….,—………../…../..|……….¯“`*~-,,,, ……………..(…………)`*~-,…..`*`.,-~*.,-*…….|…/…./…./……………………. ………………*-,…….`*-,…`~,..“.,,,-*………….|.,*…,*….|……………..……… ………………….*,………`-,….)-,………………,-*`…,-*…..(`-,…………..…….. ……………………f`-,……..`-,/…*-,___,,-~*…..,-*……|….`-,…………………. You make this guy sad ^^^^^^^^
123sploosh 0
person1233 YOU ARE MY HERO please find me, bind me, and marry me
aleb_fml 0
i will marry u
123sploosh 0
awww really? when and where?
parker330033 0
I want to marry u 123sploosh
_electricbonbon 0
That'd be cool if your name was Albert.
DanishDude 0
Dude so what? now you have something on her , that´s ...almost a good thing . You can use it later on in your relationship , u know .. .
sweetazz05 0
yea, that will make that relationship work!!!.... not
volleyballgirl16 0
dude that sucks i wouldve left her