Today, I swallowed and nearly choked to death on the ring my boyfriend hid in my wine glass. It's still in me somewhere, and my doctor basically told me that I'll have to "keep an eye on things" if I want to find it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, and he thought it would be funny to steal my ring and "pretend" to swallow it. I tried to get it back, but unfortunately I "surprised" him. He reckons I'll get it back some time tomorrow. FML
Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML
Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML
Today, my dog somehow managed to swallow a ring that my mother had bought me. Now I must carefully poke and search through each pile of dog crap I find in my yard for the next week. FML
Today, during lunch, I choked on my food and possibly came close to death when my boyfriend's best friend performed the Heimlich Maneuver on me, potentially saving my life. My boyfriend then started arguing with me over letting his best friend touch my stomach. FML
Today, I thought the ring my boyfriend bought for me had fallen off while emptying the trash into the bin. After panicking and emptying a week's worth of rubbish onto the ground, I found my ring safe and sound. On my other hand. FML
Today, after just having used the bathroom, my ring fell in the toilet. After stealthily removing it with a toothbrush, I went to go wash it in the sink. It then fell down the drain. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I found out that last night, when I drank a bit too much and blacked out, I freaked out about "losing my tampon in my vagina" and made my boyfriend fish through to look for it. I had already taken it out before then, and was too drunk to realize. He told me he almost called 911. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML
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Top comments
brackaman 18
Hey, it's what's inside that counts.
Adeptasaurus 12
I swear, if someone says it...
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Comments (154)
trolled11 8
prepare for "shitty situation" commnts
caohm 18
"we put glitter in our food so our shit twinkle like diamonds! I'm rich bitch!" -Dave Chapelle
Infinity1337 11
Well that sounds like a shitty situation.
J_Kertz 14
^^^ NO. BAD 135 *squirts with water bottle*
Adeptasaurus 12
I swear, if someone says it...
MrBoredomioo 18
I did it's 19
Zomg_Okay 27
Well, at least you turned yourself in. Because you were honest, we'll let you decide. So, what'll it be? Hanging? Firing squad? The chair?
Gingerette 8
DEATH BY MONKIES!!!
kashinc 1
fml!
Shmatterhorn 38
Too late.
fucMyLifeSoHard 18
3- It.
Odis12 11
Make him swallow a superbowl ring as punishment. Fits the crime and the Fml.
amisenho 11
"Derp, I hope you mean 'ex-doctor'"! Was that what you were anticipating, #3?
speakersboom 19
#30, I think I love you.
PapaMoti 21
Did you say yes?
mbusey 20
Well, she didn't say fiance, but she also didn't say ex...
Jordan_OL 10
Well I guess they may rather wait for the ring. Makes things seem more official maybe?
SininenAave 9
Better be a nice ring if she did! :)
brackaman 18
Hey, it's what's inside that counts.
MrSassypants 34
What also counts is how badly she choked on it. The more she choked on it the bigger the diamond. "YOU BARELY EVEN CHOKED ME TO DEATH WITH THAT RING! YOU'RE SO CHEAP!"
Enslaved 38
But it was her ability to "swallow" so easily why she got the ring in the first place. :P
Candymaniac255 3
well indeed fyl
a_wiener_d0g 15
I thought this fml was going in a completely different direction just reading the first 3 words
Ashley868 10
I did as well.
Annjelina 11
This is why I don't like the idea of people proposing by putting the ring in food or drinks
buckeyed 20
Agreed. My dad did it for my mom and she didn't swallow it so it must be in the timing (ie when it is visible).
cryssycakesx3 23
how do you miss hard metal and a diamond in your food?
kyu_Q 19
I would prefer to miss it rather than breaking a tooth on it
thisgirl97 7
It was probably red wine if she didn't see it, in that case it was a stupid idea on your boyfriends part OP
Narttu 20
Agreed! When will they learn!
huntergirl1226 3
If you aren't expecting something to be in your glass of wine it would be very easy to do...
clh3031 6
Assuming it was a proposal, did you say yes or are you waiting until it comes out? That truly does suck though and I wish you the best.
o_uhu_intrstng 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
well that was a shitty idea, but congratulations
Ian7890 23
you may let yourself out
ja2006 9
Who does the "ring in wine" anymore? The only thing exciting about this proposal is you now having to search your poop everyday until you find your ring.
Enslaved 38
Just like in "Two and a Half Men".
8born8 18
there's a lot of pressure and anxiety involved when guys (and girls) decide to ask their SO to marry them. All the movies and romantic expectations that we see so often have made a hard question all the more difficult. Of course we all want it to be special and people have different ideas on what would make the event special and unique. A ring in food/drink may be cliché, but it's also a classic.
cakefete2 31
OP, seems you have a heart of gold, and now, entrails of diamond.