Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend doggy-style and noticed a piece of toilet paper had been "left behind". I had such a bad internal conflict about whether to tell her or to remove it myself, I went limp. She started crying and accused me of not being attracted to her anymore. FML
Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to let me play porn while we were getting busy. The girl in the video said, "You don't need a condom, you can just pull out." I noticed she had a caesarean scar and burst out laughing. My girlfriend stormed out before I could explain. FML
Today, after going out to dinner with my girlfriend, we went back to my place and things started getting hot. I went in the bathroom and put on a green condom. She wouldn't have sex with me because it looked "like a cucumber" and "cucumbers are nasty." FML
Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
LibertyLife20 20
Or tell her she has broccoli in her teeth
cutycat136 28
If you had have told her, she probably would have thought nothing of it, fixed the problem, and you could have had a real ****** instead of faking it
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (84)
mukduk 21
And how is lying to her sparing her feelings?
nixbling 10
he just didn't want to ruin the moment. he didn't lie to her at all, he just pretended to ****** so he wouldn't embarras her.
CLT_420 13
Respect!!! Lol
MRSwick2525 23
I am unsure of your age OP but you should have just manned up and told her that she had something in her teeth. I'm pretty sure she would have excused herself for ten seconds to get it out and BAM back to having sex. Plus she probably would have been happy you told her. Guess maybe it just depends on how comfortable you are with one another.
jenninator93 18
Idk... I wouldn't mind my bf pointing out I had something in my teeth during sex, but I'd be pretty annoyed (and out of the mood) if he tried to actually pick at it lol
nikki151 21
Why would he take it out for her, that's disgusting
khoov19 20
ur an ass....if u can be intimate with her and cant say anything about that you have a lot if growing up to do an shouldn't be involved with intercourse. ..ur obviously a child...grow the **** up
soulreaper12296 28
Or you're a judgmental douche who needs to grow up.
davincidasecond 24
Wow. Completely unnecessary. I agree that he was a bit immature in lying, but there was no need for that.
Schizomaniac 24
Should have bent the bitch over and kept going to town.
a1_z9 10
You're a virgin right? I'm not saying all virgins are shitheads, but your comment just screams 'I've never touched a boob.'
sstahpp 33
Hahah #22! I'm with you on this!
a1_z9 10
I'm sure your girlfriend could've handled being told about it, most relationships only have room for one delicate little princess after all. Or you could have said 'I feel like I need to brush my teeth', that often prompts people to think about their own teeth.
EarlFug 19
Should have brought it to her attention, politely. She wants to be attractive.
SaniK 17
You could have just flipped her and told her about it later.