Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML
Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML
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Top comments
andits 21
Once he finished you should've said "I give this establishment two maybe three stars" lol
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Believe me, based on what I've read on this app, people have said much worse.
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Comments (66)
shinikageWolf 15
"Left something to be desired, 2 out of 5 stars, at least they tried."
Dilexar 26
You should leave a Yelp! review
MitiMiki 16
Communication is the key to good sex. It doesn't just happen. Just don't talk about it in the heat of the moment. Find a time when you have some privacy and just be honest. Be gentle and diplomatic and reassure him that it doesn't mean you don't want to have sex. Tell him what you like and don't like with him and give him a chance to tell you what he likes and doesn't like. Honestly, if you do it right, it can be a lot of fun!
alexthevaultgirl 13
I beg to differ I've had a one nightstand be the most amazing sex ever
Logical07 16
#55 Ditto.
littlefoott69 14
discuss it so you can both be satisfied. .its dirty talk ...people like different things just say ..that didn't work for me ..i would respond better to somthing like .......
The_Potato_Lord 15
Every time?
loserman67 36
I kinda like this guy. But he should have said, "Just what the pussy ordered, you won't mind if I give the tip first."
Calingaladha 21
"My order came out too soon. It wasn't done enough."
captainsmegma 12
That pussy wants some tongue action.
bad_boyfriend 10
I'm constantly amazed that people take sex so seriously.
Clapdaddy 16
Sounds like something out of a really bad porno. Lol
dannnngthatsux 19
Wait, there is such a thing? There's sexy porno and funny porno but no bad porno, just hope you get the right thing at the right time.