Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice, "Oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said, "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML
Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were on the phone. He started talking dirty, and saying how horny he was, etc. So I decided to play along and said, "I want you to picture me naked, baby." All of a sudden I heard a huge sigh. He responded, "Ew, that just killed it." FML
Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML
Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML
Today, things began to get hot and heavy between my boyfriend and me. Suddenly, in a deep, sexy voice, he whispered, "God help me for what I'm about to do." Thinking it was just an odd manner of dirty talk, I mumbled about liking it. He then farted very loudly. FML
Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML
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Top comments
andits 21
Once he finished you should've said "I give this establishment two maybe three stars" lol
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Believe me, based on what I've read on this app, people have said much worse.
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Comments (66)
aeryn97 17
Yep. mood killer right there.
Obito_Uchiha651 17
And they said chivalry is dead
EarlFug 19
What DID the pussy order? Pizza? Something on Amazon? I hope you let him know that idiot isn't a turn-on..
myshinynose 11
"Climax arrives in thirty minutes or it's free." ;o
kingmionidas 5
I think they just end up saying whatever dirty words they can think up in the moment. One time my guy was trying to fit it in the back door and said, "yeah, **** that ass baby". so...
ThrottleJockey 36
Did someone order the Vienna sausage?
dhiran_singh 16
with ciabatta bread xD
myshinynose 11
Hehehe poor guy. Some men just don't have the knack for dirty language during sex, and that's okay. I think a lot of brains are too garbled in the moment to do English good anyway.
s19811 6
that's awkaward
sour_dough22 12
You should've said "YOU SHALL NOT PASS" lololol
tiredofwaiting 25
What a mood killer.
middlenamefrank 8
It's surprising how hard QUALITY dirty talk can be. You basically have to bypass all the "sexy talk" filters we have installed for everyday conversation, but leave the others (like "insulting", "demeaning", etc.) functioning. It can be hard to spontaneously come up with sexy things to say.