Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me over, all just to unclog his toilet. It was clogged because he put my phone in it while he was taking a dump to see if it would actually flush. FML
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
Today, I was on AIM talking to a really cute guy, whom I've had a crush on for forever, when he asked me to video chat. I got so excited and immediately pressed accept, without thinking. Not until he started screaming and cursing did I realize that I was still using my laptop on the toilet. FML
Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML
Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML
Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML
Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML
Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML
Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML
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Top comments
simplysarcastics 26
Well he shouldn't be reading someones messages anyway. I dislike nosy people. Besides everyone has bowel issues every now and then...
torio123 27
Who were you sending messages to about your bowel movements? O_o
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Comments (41)
perdix 31
If his name is Sanchez, and he's dirty, this might be your lucky day.
Bakarra 22
Or maybe a gentleman by the name of Cleveland who steams carpets for a living
AngrySailor 17
Could be Carl, they say he's hot.
Derpet 18
That must've felt shitty.
oj101 33
You should always delete potentially embarrassing topics in texts, browsing history, notes etc as a precaution. A little clean out/irrigation can prevent crappy situations that could block your movement when it comes to taking your relationship with him beyond a friendship.
Ins0mau 20
I dunno. A girl's bowel movements seems like a turn off. I wouldn't be fazed at all if a girl I like watches ****.
EijiNeko 28
Just because you let him use your phone, doesn't mean he can read your messages, and he's being incredibly rude if he does read them.
kikks_xx 10
When people say bowel movement, do they mean shit?
gc327072 31
Yes, little derp, that's what they mean.
xRezSynn 15
He shouldn't be reading them anyway
jjmiller1001 17
if he only made a phone call he should.not have seen them
rainbowninjad 4
It's just poop. He won't even see the messages if he doesn't go snooping. And if he snoops, you don't need him any way. And if he sees them on accident, like I said, it's just poop.
Mifflicious 18
So all this time I've just belived that I'm a girl, and I've been having these stupid periods for nothing?!D8< Goddamnit!