Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when my upstairs neighbor decided to take the longest piss known to man. He moaned the entire time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I noticed that the walls of my apartment are ridiculously thin, when I heard my neighbor slowly walk up the stairs, slam the bathroom door, lift the toilet cover, take a pee and end with a nice "AAHH." FML
Today, sick of the unfiltered noise we hear from our neighbours in our upstairs apartment, as we're above their fence line, we signed the lease on an apartment downstairs. While I was downstairs, my partner clomped upstairs, opened the bathroom door, and took a piss. I heard EVERYTHING. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to show off one of his favorite skills: Peeing on my ceiling. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn't working, so I peed in his cat's litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
Today, I was having sexy time with my girlfriend when she said she needed to pee. She came back 5 minutes later and started talking about how she hasn't seen her best friend in ages and misses her. Needless to say, I couldn't get the man downstairs back up when we continued. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML
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Top comments
BountyBass 13
Moan louder
iLike2Teabag 27
Hey, sometimes relieving yourself can feel better than sex.
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Comments (74)
BountyBass 13
Moan louder
ripresno 10
It's a competition now.
crazytwinsmom 25
They probably already were and he was trying to point out that the sound carries between units.
green2go 14
He could be trying to pass a kidney stone
mr_sarcastic416 29
when you're passing a stone, you don't moan... you scream!!
tifdunc 14
He probably was telling you to stop
iLike2Teabag 27
Hey, sometimes relieving yourself can feel better than sex.
Enslaved 38
I sometimes feel that way when I clean my ears with a Q-tip!(: Okay maybe not better but it still feels pretty damn good!
andyyroxx 20
I always feel this way when researching something incredibly specific and actually finding a forum/thread on it.
FightMyLiger 19
#2- Totally. I am way louder whilst taking an awesome piss than I am in bed. Unless of course I'm scratching both itches at once...
zandalee 20
Golden shower huh? #48...
Geometric 18
That's when you turn the tables on your neighbour and moan as loudly as possible.
buddy51 23
He's pouring water from a bucket and moaning loud and long to try to get you two humping rabbits to shut up!!!
Harshdfml 14
What.. Did it last like an hour or so..??
AliStallings 5
No one takes a piss for an hour..
Harshdfml 14
The fact that the piss was the longest one known to man itself is crappy.. Even if it lasted say, 2 minutes at most, waiting for a couple of minutes doesn't need an FML.
Keevarou 17
You have obviously not tried drinking 5 liters of energy drinks before :P
Harshdfml 14
The fact that the piss was the LONGEST in duration known to man itself is crappy. Even if the piss session lasted a couple of minutes, ATMOST, waiting till It finished should not be a big deal. An FML was far from required.
emilyjgraham 34
34, surely no one is that stupid?
Laurenluvz 11
5 It doesn't really specify how long it was. It could just have seemed long to OP being the person who was hoping it would end.
Pleonasm 36
He's probably getting back at you for moaning like a banshee with a megahorn stuck in her trachea.
bazzer69 3
I hope he's actually taking a long piss and not something else if he's moaning the entire time...
aalijahraj 10
Just piss! To me it seems two way which caused that kind of moaning...lol
SuperDanielNL 23
Blast some nice music during sex to drown out any background noise. I'm gonna be your god - Slayer, for example, or just some Marvin Gaye, whatever floats your boat.
Enslaved 38
Personal, I had to put my Reign in Blood album away. It scared me how catchy some of the songs were because when I later read some of its lyrics ex:"Angel of Death" I was truly horrified! I'm more of a Queensrÿche- "Operation: Mindcrime" type of girl! (:
SuperDanielNL 23
Slayer has some very disturbing lyrics, like Unit-731 and SS-3, which deal with genocide etc. Apart from that they rock. But it really drowns out all the noise, with more noise.
Enslaved 38
They also put on a hell of a show too. I've seen Slayer 3 times in concert but I went only to see their opening acts.(: They always had a huge following. The atmosphere's energy was incredible.
SuperDanielNL 23
Awesome, I am going to see them live for the first time this summer in august on "Lowlands" a large dutch 3-day open air festival.
Dynosaur_dollie 38
I would have to respectfully disagree, I love slayer but when they played with rob zombie they were not such a good show. They really should have played first, as rob is very theatric.
Enslaved 38
Rob Zombie opened up for Godsmack and I have to agree 100% His show was one of the top shows I've seen out of my LONG list of concerts. Last time I saw Slayer was at Mayhem. And they were great but could never compare to Slipknot. (:
ydi_4_suking 20
Slayer doesn't do much with lights or theatrics. The fans make it a show to never forget. When I saw them Marilyn Manson was headlining and he has good stage shows but he sounded horrible
ironic_legacy 9
I love how you guys just started talking about metal bands haha
GoWithTheFro 10
He was probably trying to drown you out.