Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML
Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML
Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML
Today, I was sitting on the back porch with my husband. I felt two raindrops land on my head, so I said we should go inside because it was starting to rain. It turned out to just be a bird shitting on me. FML
Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML
Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML
Today, I was out riding and a seagull pissed on me. It got in my mouth. FML
Today, I opened my lunch at work to discover that my sandwich was a soggy mess. The Tupperware I'd put it in was a piece of crap, and all the mayo had leaked out. I tried to salvage it but then spilled the whole thing in my lap. I ended up eating my lunch with a plastic fork, and even my fingers, like an angry animal. FML
Today, I made myself a snack. I took a seemingly clean plate from the sink which had been used earlier for scrambled eggs. Only after I'd made the snack did I remember I let my dog lick the plate clean. FML
Today, I bought a fancy salad for lunch and went to eat it in the park. A strong gust of wind flipped the lid off and launched half the salad into my lap. As I jumped up to shake it off, I slipped on a stray tomato slice, fell backward onto the grass, and watched as a seagull swooped in to eat my croutons. FML
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Top comments
youmakemyday_fml 0
ughh...why would you eat something that landed on the table anyway?? wouldn't you wipe it off with a napkin...
ozymandias_fml 0
You are a disgusting person. Even if it was mayo, that is disgusting. Who a) eats random condiments they find b) especially when splattered on a disgusting public table?
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Comments (231)
ayray88 0
I'm pretty sure EVERY one else has said this, but WHY WOULD YOU LICK SOMEONE'S USED MAYO OFF OF A TABLE????? thats FOUL. you are absolutely foul.
CurdledMilk 0
Why would you even do that in the first place? Expect to die of Swine Flu by Monday morning.
sondramcfail 0
You ate a drop of mayo from OFF THE TABLE? The OUTDOOR table? Ewww, YDI x10.
husseinfarran93 0
hahahaha FYL
3picfaill 0
Dumbass, why the hell would you lick anything on a table??? Even if you wiped it first, ydi retard
Saruh 0
OP is a nasty ****** if they eat mayonnaise off public tables! At least you weren't eating "chocolate" off a toilet seat. But then again, you probably do that too.
summer66_fml 0
eeeewwww why would you lick something off the table anyways ur just gross.....
ImaTrainwreck 0
Why would you lick something off a table in the first place?
ShortyBBangin 0
Ha that's what you get for wiping something off a public table with your finger....what makes you an idiot is actually licking it.
FlatBaby 0
Omg, you people have forgotten what this sais : Speak your mind, but please try and be respectful. Don't be so hard on this person!