Today, I was driving in the car with my boyfriend and he couldn't keep his hands off me. Nothing to complain about when your boyfriend likes to touch you, right? Except when he keeps smacking your jiggly thighs to watch the ripples and 'tenderize the pork chops'. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, my boyfriend was tapping on my thigh to the beat of the music when we were driving to dinner. When I asked him what he was doing he replied, "Just watching the ripples." FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating ice cream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML
Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML
And they say romance is dead…
Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML
Today, my boyfriend kept jiggling my fat rolls while we were cuddling. I was annoyed, and I told him he could at least go for my boobs instead. He instantly replied, "But these are bigger..." FML
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend and told him how smitten I was with him. He responded by giving me a wedgie. FML
Today, I enjoyed the soft caressing touch of the person I'm attracted to. It would have been even better if he weren't simply stroking my arm hair in amazement at its superior length and density. FML
Top comments
snafu57 1
the butterfly effect. one touch can produce ripples that affects the entire other side of your body.
snafu57 1
a cushion for the pushin. if he's playing with the pork chops, you should play with his tiny limp noodle.
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Comments (120)
turboless 0
Mhhmmmmm!
ryki_bloom 0
I don't really think this is an FML. I think it's funny and cute. Eh, but that's just me. If guys can't accept girls no matter what size they are, they surely have no life.
BadOwner 0
ummm.. wow i honestly cannot think of a troll comment for this.
Liddodollface 0
AMERICA, **** YEAH.
landsand 0
SHUT THE **** UP PEOPLE ABOUT AMERICA. america is the best we the strongest country wit best army american can beat any country and fyi england tell us why were better then yal but yal talk trash bout us sure we got some probs and gettin worse cause of democrats(my opinion) so please be quiet englands and whoever else and i know ima get rage bout how i type well smd its the internet if i wanna type bad 2 shorten words i can
gz_fml 0
If you are going to be an asshole, you might as well try to sound intelligent, such as adding an 'h' to with. Propper grammar and an attempt at sentence structure would be nice as well. What are you in such a big hurry that you need to shorten words? I am proud to be an American as well, but when someone posts something like this I just want to smack my head against the keyboard. And btw OP, that sucks. Hopefully it just means that your boyfriend is just very secure with you and thinks that he can joke around with you.
BadOwner 0
whoa does the guy from England (or watever) have better American-English than the American?
boatkicker 5
There are not THAT many differences between the variations, and so far as I know they didn't use anything that was really an Americanism. They just used plain old international English. (Forgive me if I'm wrong and there was an Americanism in there. I've never been to another English speaking country and therefor have somewhat limited knowledge of what's an Americanism and what phrases are international.)
Malinkrot 3
landsand you're more embarrassing to America than Glenn Beck. If Bush was still president, when that Nigerian tried to blow up the plane a few days ago, Bush would have just sat there reading "My Pet Goat."
MiaKong 0
Oh gee land how about try not to defend the rest of us Americans if you are just going to make us look like morons. The simple fact is, people are people, there are all types all over the world. People need to stop clumping everyone into certain categories and just judge people individually. Who cares where they are from?
zaphilia 0
Ya know, if you're gonna try to tell people that America is the greatest country on Earth, you could at least use more than one period. I almost ran out of breath reading that. Spelling properly doesn't hurt, either. On a side note, wouldn't it just be hilarious if the OP's boyfriend was a vegetarian?
WTFsGoingOn 0
Wow, please don't ever defend our country again. All I can say about the whole American backlash on this site is that really every country is messed up in one way or another. It's stupid that we spend so much time here talking about America sucking, pretty much every country has some type of stereotype but at least the American's don't seem to be posting a bunch of crap about everyone else all the time. Honestly, it just makes us look better when the rest of you constantly attack us (especially when it is assumed that anything dumb that happened must have been in America but you can look at the FML and see it is some other country). When was the last time someone on FML brought up that people still believe that almost every country in Africa is a bunch of tribes with no real education, or that French people are believed to be snotty and cowardly, when did we throw out there that the royalty in English is inbreed and unintelligent. I'm not saying these things are true mind you, I am pointing out some other commonly believed things about other countries that are not true. Get a life and stop wasting your time on sites like FML attempting to insult an entire nation based upon some things you don't agree with.
rob02 19
Strongest army in the world hooah
Cheekers1989 0
Hahaha, 'tenderize the pork chops.' Now that is hilarious. Get over yourself, there's nothing wrong with your boyfriend acting that way. Trust me, if he didn't think it was cute, then he probably wouldn't be your boyfriend, so stop your bitchin'.
babuda 0
some guys really dig the tender pork on their girls. I know I do. send me a picture ;)
mina_8 0
jiggling thighs do not mean she's fat. Every girl's thighs jiggle a little when you smack them no matter how small or toned they may be. if your thighs were completely stiff that would be just... weird. Also what is with the America discussion? No country is perfect. But you don't need to go insulting it for no reason or trying to defend it by making yourself look like an idiot.
Ada360 0
UGHHH UR BOYFRIEND IS SUCH ******* ASSHOLE. WTF
Sindy_fml 4
hes a keeper! :D