Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to be adventurous and try a new exotic fruit. I bought a dragon fruit, but no one warned me that it looks better on Instagram than it tastes. Now I have a fridge full of disappointment and a dragon fruit that's more like a dragon letdown. FML
Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML
Today, I noticed that my sweat smelled like cat food. FML
Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML
Today, I ate a dragon fruit and drank some aloe. I was at work and had to stop what I was doing and run to the bathroom so I didn’t poop my pants. After I was done, I saw splatters of shit on the floor. Confused, I looked at the toilet. To my surprise, I found out I projectile diarrhea-ed all over my work toilet. FML
Today, a package was delivered to my house. Thinking it was my new blender, I hurriedly brought it in to open it. Inside the box was an assortment of rotten vegetables that stank like Satan's asshole. I have no idea who it's from or why they hate me so much. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML
Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, I lifted up a watermelon, not realising it had gone bad. The thing exploded like an alien giving birth. Stinking juice and rotten inside all over the kitchen. Even behind the build-in closets. It smells like rotten fruit cheese and I can't reach behind the closets. FML
Today, I ate what was supposed to be a delicious mini powdered donut. The first one tasted funny, so I pulled out another one and realized that the powdered sugar was now in fact powdered hairy mold. Then I looked at the package and realized it was over a year and a half old. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Sesh54 7
uhh......well worded and described I guess........
dolphincheddar 10
so you have a reputation of eating shit from the Bowels of Satan and you wanted to keep it? is this charlie sheens fml?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (414)
ballbearing 10
if that's what you had to do to save your reputation - fyl!
PunaniSeeds 0
it's an acquired taste and not that bad really
BabyyJesuss 0
Was it worth it?
whiskyboy 0
stop describing durian this way. u are such a bloody racist. stop showing the varieties of vocabs u have. douche
gettyman 0
how do u know what cat shit tastes like?
thisguysgs 0
you guys are idiots durian doesnt even smell that bad and it tastes good. i guess you have to be a fob to like it
budakgemok 0
dude,I love my durian. in my country there's a building where it's design is like a durian.
xBunii18x 2
durian is gooodd!!! I'm Asian and I like it !
Celestejwilliams 0
how do u know what dried cat shut regurgitated by Satan even smells like?
number0 8
This is just in! Satan eats dried cat shit, people. Yes, cat shit. In other news, God "double dog" dares Jesus to drink lion piss. Stay tuned...