Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to be adventurous and try a new exotic fruit. I bought a dragon fruit, but no one warned me that it looks better on Instagram than it tastes. Now I have a fridge full of disappointment and a dragon fruit that's more like a dragon letdown. FML
Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML
Today, I noticed that my sweat smelled like cat food. FML
Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML
Today, I ate a dragon fruit and drank some aloe. I was at work and had to stop what I was doing and run to the bathroom so I didn’t poop my pants. After I was done, I saw splatters of shit on the floor. Confused, I looked at the toilet. To my surprise, I found out I projectile diarrhea-ed all over my work toilet. FML
Today, a package was delivered to my house. Thinking it was my new blender, I hurriedly brought it in to open it. Inside the box was an assortment of rotten vegetables that stank like Satan's asshole. I have no idea who it's from or why they hate me so much. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML
Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, I lifted up a watermelon, not realising it had gone bad. The thing exploded like an alien giving birth. Stinking juice and rotten inside all over the kitchen. Even behind the build-in closets. It smells like rotten fruit cheese and I can't reach behind the closets. FML
Today, I ate what was supposed to be a delicious mini powdered donut. The first one tasted funny, so I pulled out another one and realized that the powdered sugar was now in fact powdered hairy mold. Then I looked at the package and realized it was over a year and a half old. FML
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Top comments
Sesh54 7
uhh......well worded and described I guess........
dolphincheddar 10
so you have a reputation of eating shit from the Bowels of Satan and you wanted to keep it? is this charlie sheens fml?
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Comments (414)
hbbs93 6
I honestly don't know what a durian is, but I now know not to try it. Thanks lol.
xDex_ 3
its not supposed to taste bad
mustasho 0
im getting the feeling that this aint the first time that u've eaten cat shit that satan puked up :O
Thrashmetaldrumm 3
oh no, not your reputation!
nubx 0
YDI for worrying about reputation.
Sweethearttt 0
omg soo true my Asian mate says it's a delicacy but I went over and the house smelt Like someone had pissed allover the place and when I tried it I nearly vomited
Ugi 27
There is a reason many hotels ban you from bringing durian into the building - yes - they stink. I didn't actually think they tasted that bad - rather like an odd cross between mango and onion. However there is no getting away from the fact that they stink. Hope nobody dares you to jump off a cliff.
ThereGoesTrang 1
It's yummy( : , I shouLd know , I'm Asian xD
RobotStrut 7
Durian is ******* delicious once you get over the initial odor.
night_saint 5
I've had one before. they are pretty disgusting.