Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to be adventurous and try a new exotic fruit. I bought a dragon fruit, but no one warned me that it looks better on Instagram than it tastes. Now I have a fridge full of disappointment and a dragon fruit that's more like a dragon letdown. FML
Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML
Today, I noticed that my sweat smelled like cat food. FML
Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML
Today, I ate a dragon fruit and drank some aloe. I was at work and had to stop what I was doing and run to the bathroom so I didn’t poop my pants. After I was done, I saw splatters of shit on the floor. Confused, I looked at the toilet. To my surprise, I found out I projectile diarrhea-ed all over my work toilet. FML
Today, a package was delivered to my house. Thinking it was my new blender, I hurriedly brought it in to open it. Inside the box was an assortment of rotten vegetables that stank like Satan's asshole. I have no idea who it's from or why they hate me so much. FML
Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML
Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, I lifted up a watermelon, not realising it had gone bad. The thing exploded like an alien giving birth. Stinking juice and rotten inside all over the kitchen. Even behind the build-in closets. It smells like rotten fruit cheese and I can't reach behind the closets. FML
Today, I ate what was supposed to be a delicious mini powdered donut. The first one tasted funny, so I pulled out another one and realized that the powdered sugar was now in fact powdered hairy mold. Then I looked at the package and realized it was over a year and a half old. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Sesh54 7
uhh......well worded and described I guess........
dolphincheddar 10
so you have a reputation of eating shit from the Bowels of Satan and you wanted to keep it? is this charlie sheens fml?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (414)
crashblossom 0
Ha the agrees are at 666 now.
littlemissalex 3
I was going to say that YDI, but FYL had 666 votes, and it bothered me. Feel lucky.
sillymcjews 0
wow that funny cuz i was also dared the exact same thing today. but it tasted and smelled like rotten junk from a garbage can
MeaganJFD 0
and how would you know what Satan regurgitated? haha Jk
jazzybaby179 22
i'm guessing you have eaten cat shit before
lexi29_fml 0
So Satan ate some cat shit and upon deciding it wasn't his thing, he vomited it up. Then you eat it... nice...
DrewsFML 8
Remember that movie Alive, where they ate their fellow passengers killed in the plane crash to survive? The cargo bay was loaded with cases of durian, but they couldn't bring themselves to eat it.
BGoodRBCareful 5
Ummm, did you happen to mention that you're in Indonesia, you lucky guy? Only place I know where I know where you this is a treat. I'm jealous, both in location and taste. Get past the smell and you will will love it!
Captain0bv10us 0
Haha, those are actually banned in some places
duaphep 4
Nice wording. But ydi. Duran is one of the best fruits, though at first its smell maybe too strong for many people (like me, I used to not being able to bear it). Once you get used to the smell, you'll LOVE it!