Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML
Today, I was applying Icy Hot. I squeezed the bottle too hard making it squirt in my eye. I ran to the bathroom in agony, turned on the faucet, and slammed my face right into it. FML
Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
Today, while I was eating spicy wings, I suddenly sneezed. I was sitting in front of a fan and effectively maced myself when my spicy sneeze blew back into my face and eyes. FML
Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML
Today, while battling a severe flu, I was forced to come to work by my manager. Upon arrival, I discovered that a colleague he likes who should be covering for me is out today. The reason? Her shoes hurt. FML
Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML
Today, I was talking with a very attractive coworker outside when a moth flew into my ear. I started screaming and hitting my ear because it was stuck and alive in my ear. I spent the rest of the day at the ER. I'm forever known as The Moth Lady. FML
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
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Top comments
reachaxe 22
Next time cut them after a warm bath!
capscapscaps43 14
Lol this is disgusting yet amusing.
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Comments (65)
corky1992 33
That's unfortunate, but I agree it's pretty funny lol.
russfml 31
I think your toe nail just became a master of karate
allforfun 23
Don't feel bad; as medical professionals we hear way more ridiculous stories than that... He'll forget about you tomorrow when a patient comes in with something up their butt
iheartstupid 4
Lol my dad definitely did that once when I was a kid. Sorry OP.
watermelon_bae 15
This is why I wear glasses.
lukian_fml 29
I feel like this is a duplicate
idk_rose 25
I would've paid to watch that hapoen lmao. FYL
darthdeatheater 12
You could sue him
uchihadesendent 14
You're the type of person that thinks suing solves everything aren't you? It's called a sense of humor.
Mpii 11
Fyl op. I hope you didn't injure your eyeball. A friend of mine injured his and it scarred. Now there's a spot on his eye that he always sees.
uchihadesendent 14
I have to admit this is funny until you're the one getting hurt hope you're ok OP.