Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML
Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML
Today, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to take my bra off. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML
Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML
Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML
Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
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Top comments
Omfgitsmia 15
Well to be fair, you were pretty doped up. I'm sure they've seen worst.
dewberry2001 25
I told my nurse she was the "nicest goddamned nurse in all of history."
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Comments (50)
Omfgitsmia 15
Well to be fair, you were pretty doped up. I'm sure they've seen worst.
Ms_ValS 27
And yet OP, you thought to yourself "Ah this is the man I shall breed with."
Arwen_Evenstar 37
Plus it's hilarious. I really did laugh out loud. They probably laughed too.
KitchKraft 21
I honestly want to know if the op is a boy or girl. It could make it all the funnier.
LostMy_Marbles 24
My friend and I were joking around in the weeks leading up to my surgery about what I might say when I woke up. I turned that joke into a reality when I muttered the words: "Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" Yes, they all laughed at me and I think trying to explain myself while still high on all the medication didn't make it any better
DarksideDoll 31
I ship it.
dewberry2001 25
I told my nurse she was the "nicest goddamned nurse in all of history."
LeavenSilva 27
That probably made her day at least
stargazing 17
I jumped off my dentist's chair and hit some furniture because I wanted to fly to Mars.
dewberry2001 25
She yelled at me to stop swearing
ruthi666 23
I was given graham crackers when I woke up from surgery and apparently rambled about how I wanted to make s'mores for twenty minutes.
ptoka 20
I was told to wake up, so I sat up yelled "but I don't want to go to the zoo!" and promptly fell asleep again.
Moochi456 20
When I was 11 I told my nurse I was a vampire and started hissing at her.
teentee401 37
My aunt was given some juice when she woke up from dental surgery. She then started yelling about how great the juice was and wouldn't shut up about it. It was so good she started to cry.
Brandi_Faith 34
I tend to have a really hard time waking up from the anesthesia. It takes me way longer to wake up then most. I also tend to cry when I wake up (which they say is pretty normal). It's this horrible mix of being absolutely exhausted and emotional. It's weird.
Arwen_Evenstar 37
Stop swearing for goddamned? Was this in 1950? She should've just taken the compliment!
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Just had a recent knee surgery. Beforehand, the anesthesiologist came in to do a nerve block. He fiddled with the IV bag, then asked, "Are you feeling loopy yet?" I wasn't, so I said, "Oh, nope, I feel fine." Then he said it'd hit me in about 10 seconds. It was funny when it did, because the ceiling tiles started to shimmer and I started laughing saying, "Oh, I feel good now." Nothing was very funny when I woke up, though. I tend to have a bad reaction to anesthesia, so I was pretty miserable for a while in the recovery room. :(
dewberry2001 25
#70 I said other things too.
WellThatWasRude 27
How did the doctor react?
slingerslasher 24
They're married now.
stargazing 17
It happens, and you can just look back and laugh. You were drugged and had no control over it.
LeavenSilva 27
Did the doctor at least attempt to catch you before you fell?
joshi42 16
You can't catch anyone, when you're filming them.
notzax 19
I wouldn't... "Oh thank you from saving me again, doctor! " *grope *
Brandi_Faith 34
I totally picture him backing up as she's trying to fall into his arms with this disgusted look on his face as he watches her fall on her face lol.
AvAfan 14
Guess you could say you fell for them ?
Justy101 23
I cried because the bird that was sitting at the entrance of the day hospital was making fun of me. The bitchy little shit.
82681 25
When I was being drugged up to get my wisdom teeth removed, I told the doctor that I was secretly a cat and proceeded to meow until I fell asleep. People do strange things while being doped up.
maggiefox 25
Sounds like the beginning to a cheap, horribly written ****.
HarshD9619 34
That basically describes every porno
igg125 30
I'm sure you're just glad to be alive