Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while I was giving a school presentation about life as an injured, deformed soldier, someone asked if the reason I wear an eyepatch is because I'm a pirate. I wouldn't have minded, had I not been presenting to high-school students. FML
Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed as a pirate. Someone complimented me on how convincing the fake teeth were that I had on for my costume. I wasn't wearing fake teeth. FML
Today, I started my brand new job. I was late because while repairing my favorite pair of high heels, I got Superglue in my eye. They had to scrape my cornea and I have to wear an eye patch. I'm now the "New pirate" in the office. FML
Today, at a party I told this guy that I really liked his pirate costume. Turns out he wasn't wearing a costume, his eye was shot out with a BB gun. This explains the eye patch. FML
Today, I had a job interview at the local donut shop. It turns out I misunderstood the position, and that the job was actually to wear a donut costume and wave at cars outside the shop. I was told this after I got hired. FML
Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense, saying, "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML
Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML
Today, I shattered a coffee pot at work and ended up with a piece of glass in my eye. Now I have to look like a pirate until its healed, and it's nowhere near Halloween. FML
Today, I dressed up like a pirate, dressed my dog as a parrot and bought $30 worth of candy to pass out to trick-or-treaters. I waited by the door for 3 hours. Not one kid came. FML
Today, we didn't have much to do at work, so I struck up a conversation with a coworker I have a crush on - a girl with one arm. I wanted to tell her I thought she was pretty, but I ended up saying I thought she looked like a pirate queen. FML
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Top comments
dawood_k 27
Shame on you, you should always lift the eyepatch and make sure before doubting someone
CharresBarkrey 16
To get free donuts... We've been over this
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Comments (70)
angelholder9 3
Hey, You couldnt've known. He probably didnt even ask, but she just assumed. I know I probably would In the same situation. (Although, Here there aren't any jobs that hire you under 16)
worldclassrager 41
You need three items...an eye patch is just one...but I think he understood that you meant well...
papayeya 18
I Agree.. Your Life Sucks
skyeyez9 25
You are lucky to live near a Krispy Kreme shop. We dont have one that I am aware of.
hollywoodt1ts 15
Common mistake. Man enters room wearing and eyepatch. Everyone assumes he is a lost pirate. When in reality, he had his eye poked out when he was a kid by a fork. FYL, OP
mybubbles2000 13
Did he at least get a free dozen?
mattrd_fml 31
Blimey!
imshadyxo 25
FML for not knowing about this free dozen deal... Krispy Kremes are amazing!!
Eivana 37
Ohhhh shiiiit. That sucks, man I would die. That is definitely an easy mistake!
uglyluckgirl 8
...two dozens of donuts coming right up!