Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while I was giving a school presentation about life as an injured, deformed soldier, someone asked if the reason I wear an eyepatch is because I'm a pirate. I wouldn't have minded, had I not been presenting to high-school students. FML
Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed as a pirate. Someone complimented me on how convincing the fake teeth were that I had on for my costume. I wasn't wearing fake teeth. FML
Today, I started my brand new job. I was late because while repairing my favorite pair of high heels, I got Superglue in my eye. They had to scrape my cornea and I have to wear an eye patch. I'm now the "New pirate" in the office. FML
Today, at a party I told this guy that I really liked his pirate costume. Turns out he wasn't wearing a costume, his eye was shot out with a BB gun. This explains the eye patch. FML
Today, I had a job interview at the local donut shop. It turns out I misunderstood the position, and that the job was actually to wear a donut costume and wave at cars outside the shop. I was told this after I got hired. FML
Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense, saying, "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML
Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML
Today, I shattered a coffee pot at work and ended up with a piece of glass in my eye. Now I have to look like a pirate until its healed, and it's nowhere near Halloween. FML
Today, I dressed up like a pirate, dressed my dog as a parrot and bought $30 worth of candy to pass out to trick-or-treaters. I waited by the door for 3 hours. Not one kid came. FML
Today, we didn't have much to do at work, so I struck up a conversation with a coworker I have a crush on - a girl with one arm. I wanted to tell her I thought she was pretty, but I ended up saying I thought she looked like a pirate queen. FML
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Top comments
dawood_k 27
Shame on you, you should always lift the eyepatch and make sure before doubting someone
CharresBarkrey 16
To get free donuts... We've been over this
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Comments (70)
Chellec2013 28
Well it's time to walk the plank OP
PearlCorinn 13
Well then thats not really dressing up is it?
Ruuku 11
Sometimes it's best to keep an eye out for this sort of thing
EpicSquishii 21
I hear Krispy Creme is going out of business :( It was always suspicious to me how cheap those donuts are. Kind of reminds me of Jim Gaffigans bit "It's almost like they're giving them away"
WhiteCrimson 23
Arrrrrg!!! Lol did he at least offer to show you his busted eye?
Vegetarian27 24
I might be the only one, but right after I read "with only an eyepatch" I automatically jumped to the conclusion that he was naked. Then I read the rest if the FML.
MidnaLink 35
I want Krispy Kreme! Where you at!!!
Krispy_kream 8
You work for me.
jdeezy01 13
You mean to tell me this guy poked his own eye out just to get a free dozen donuts?
LifeOfAnRN 18
OP shouldn't feel bad at all. If the guy had NOT been trying to get the free donuts that would be a different story. It was for people who "dressed like a pirate" not who happened to need an eyepatch. That sounds harsh but think about it. He seemed to be trying to take advantage of the coincidence.