Today, while I was giving a school presentation about life as an injured, deformed soldier, someone asked if the reason I wear an eyepatch is because I'm a pirate. I wouldn't have minded, had I not been presenting to high-school students. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense, saying, "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML
Today, at a party I told this guy that I really liked his pirate costume. Turns out he wasn't wearing a costume, his eye was shot out with a BB gun. This explains the eye patch. FML
Today, I started my brand new job. I was late because while repairing my favorite pair of high heels, I got Superglue in my eye. They had to scrape my cornea and I have to wear an eye patch. I'm now the "New pirate" in the office. FML
Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML
Today, I was giving a presentation to a group of high school kids about how being 'cool' wasn't as important as they might think. When I was done I asked for questions. A kid says, "Miss, I get that you're not into being cool, but you're wearing your pants inside out." He was right. FML
Today, we didn't have much to do at work, so I struck up a conversation with a coworker I have a crush on - a girl with one arm. I wanted to tell her I thought she was pretty, but I ended up saying I thought she looked like a pirate queen. FML
Today, I was pretending to be a veteran for the US Navy at a local outlet, because I was desperate for cheap stuff. All was going well, until an actual vet pointed out that the ship I had on my naval hat was a fictitious one. Shit. FML
Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed as a pirate. Someone complimented me on how convincing the fake teeth were that I had on for my costume. I wasn't wearing fake teeth. FML
Today, I had to show up at an anti-drugs lecture with full-blown pink eye. It's from an ongoing bacterial infection, but the speaker said he'd heard that excuse a hundred times before, and shamed me in front of everyone. FML
Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML
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Top comments
maharb01 17
thank you for your service
CheekyRaccoon 27
Should've said, aye I lost it battling Colonel White beard for the last peice of chicken, I should of known not to have challenge him for his chicken, but I wanted it so bad, since I hadn't eaten for some time. What I didn't know is that he liked to play dirty when he fights. Long story short I got forked in me eye. I'm sorry if you had lost your eye and not just happened to have the eyepatch for pinkeye.
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Comments (15)
RichardPencil 32
If you addressed a college crowd, they ask about your hidden booty and if they could look at your booty.
Arashikage 18
Do you ever think before you type?
species4872 20
Aww leave him alone, at least he breaks up the monotony.
FrozenMusic 26
Maybe the person was trying to make you laugh seeing your circumstances. Perhaps it was a way to make the situation lighthearted.
CheekyRaccoon 27
Should've said, aye I lost it battling Colonel White beard for the last peice of chicken, I should of known not to have challenge him for his chicken, but I wanted it so bad, since I hadn't eaten for some time. What I didn't know is that he liked to play dirty when he fights. Long story short I got forked in me eye. I'm sorry if you had lost your eye and not just happened to have the eyepatch for pinkeye.
CheekyRaccoon 27
Having read the FML again, I'm a moron and misinterpreted where it mattered. Now it became such a shitty morbid joke, I'm sorry.
maharb01 17
thank you for your service
hatman17 5
I'm sorry bro that sucks but thank you for your service
slimeking3 3
thank you for your service :)
Branessa9611 14
Thank you for your service, sir.
Cali 57
IIRC high school was a cesspool of stupidity, hormones, and pranks. Don't take it personally!
anymyous 3
Thank you for your service.
Bearsmomma 30
I would've expected it from high school kids. Many of them are assholes!