Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML
Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public, she needed to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML
Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML
Today, I was at Walmart with my mom when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML
Today, I accidentally farted while shopping. There was an awkward silence followed by a god-awful stink and a lady's little girl bursting into tears. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom, yelling, "Mommy! Mommy! That lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML
Today, while standing in line at the store, I thought I could let a small fart slip and blame it on the guy behind me. I did it, then turned to glare at him in disgust, only for him to turn and yell at the crowd, “This bitch farted, not me!” FML
Today, I was shopping for a new deodorant, and this guy was standing in the way. He wouldn't move, so I crouched down to get the one I wanted, right when he did the most violent fart right in my face. Then his wife came over, made a face and he whispered, "I think that girl just farted". FML
Today, my dad opened my fridge, let rip a horrible fart into it, then closed it and said "There ya go, a little somethin' for supper." FML
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Top comments
machiko_fml 0
He beat you to it. Should've said "Ew, gross Dad!"
perdix 31
"Thanks for trying to cover it up, Dad, but I queefed!" Nobody would believe your denial, so making it grosser is the way to go.
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Comments (55)
U_Go_Boom 0
FTW!
perdix 31
"Thanks for trying to cover it up, Dad, but I queefed!" Nobody would believe your denial, so making it grosser is the way to go.
SirEBC 7
Thank you for successfully nauseating me.
FMLephant 2
A foul queef would need medical attention.
princess_patches 2
hahaha thats something my father would do
Prolusive 5
Good onya dad!
mea_iloveskiing 26
they probably passed out few seconds later, so they wouldn't remember, don't worry =)
rencegoh 0
OWNED.
DocBastard 40
Dad: That was my daughter. OP: *passes out* Dad: Shit...medic!
dark_path 0
not funny :l
DocBastard 40
I'm not sure I would take humour advice from someone whose profile pic is a girl with an ejaculating penis drawn on her shoulder. If that's your sense of humour, you clearly aren't my target audience. Cheers.
DocBastard 40
*squints* Pen, um, I don't think that's what that is... *tokes* Oh, I totally see it now! Ground control to Major Tom...
BeastNerd 3
Haha! Well, for what it's worth, I thought it was funny, Doc. ^_^
Gunz24 0
embrace it. should have turned around and asked them ' can ya guess what I ate ?'
robbrown56 0
They knew better.''The hen that cackles laid the egg.''
FlockaHannah 0
haha(: i really dont see how people can 'die' of embarassment from farting. your lame. live on the wild side!!