Today, I was at the grocery store, waiting in line to pay. A man jumped me from behind, and my first reflex was to brutally elbow him in the face. I soon discovered my attacker was one of the patients at the disability house at which I work, and he was trying to hug me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, while at work, I was asked if I wanted to leave early. I said no and let my coworker go instead. Two hours later, I was punched in the face by one of my patients, with absolutely no warning or provocation. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, when an elderly lady walked up to me and tripped over her own feet. I caught her by the arm, at which point she shrieked at me for "groping" her. She ended up smirking as security threw me out of the store. FML
Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML
Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML
Today, while I was helping customers in the self-checkout, one lady wouldn’t stop talking to me. Other customers needed help and I was trying to go help them. When I tried to walk away, she hugged me over my arms, physically restraining me. I froze. I actually have PTSD from being sexually assaulted years ago. FML
Today, as I was working in retail, this guy shoved me into the shelves for asking if he needed help with anything, screaming at me that I need to leave him alone. FML
Today, I was at work as a grocery store cashier. I felt a hand slap my ass. Turning around I saw an old man winking at me and I screamed. When my manager came to deal with the problem she didn't believe me and gave the man a $25 gift card for "the trouble" I caused. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML
Today, I fistbumped a cashier as they tried to hand me my change. FML
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Top comments
AnyaS 19
Should've gone with your second reflex then.
Jakesterk96 8
Wow, I hope your elbow is alright.
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Comments (158)
Llamacod 11
Noorfml has the comment of the day. *trumpets sounding*
Da5h0t 1
My girlfriend has done this before to me. I turned and saw a 40-year-old man in line and then my girlfriend snuck up on me and I thought it was the dude in line, scaring the hell out of me. FYL, btw
asianbananas 3
you got some strange reflexes .
fukthisss 5
More like awesome!
calithebandgeek 0
Elbows are dangerous weapons, aren't they.
Unlucky_Gun 0
YDI because even if someone was trying to cut you in line you don't hit them you confront them with words
stalkerstatus101 5
He wasn't trying to cut in line he was trying to give a hug from behind
laden_swallow09 35
"Confront with words"? How delusional are you? This wasn't someone tapping on the shoulder, this was someone wrapping their arms around, which can be taken more than one way when the recipient doesn't know who the hell it is behind him, be it a special patient or a sex fiend. The morons seem to be really coming out of the woodwork on this one.
tzhiting93 3
Hmm, it's not wrong to self defend, especially since OP is a girl. You'll never know when it'll really be an attacker or something. But nevertheless, poor guy!
whynotbliss 18
Life lesson learned, even those that aren't all there need to know boundaries. No hugging people unannounced from behind!
hateevryone 15
I bet he learned not to come near you again.
shepandabear123 0
my mom has the same job :/
kayla_ann0o 9
On the bright side, you know you can handle your own.