Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML
Today, I was at a barbecue and, unbeknownst to me, took a bite of really hot bacon. In my ensuing panic, I grabbed and took a swig of my friend's beer. It wasn't beer, at least not any more. She was using it as an ashtray, and I got a mouthful of cigarette butts. FML
Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML
Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML
Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML
Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML
Today, my grandpa decided to charcoal-grill some steaks. Inside the house. FML
Today, I accidentally farted really loud. My 4 year-old brother heard me and started crying, and stopped talking to me for a whole hour. Now he tells everyone about "that time his sister farted." FML
Today, I really had to take a shit. My coworker had gone on lunch break and I was alone in the shop. There were no customers, so to the can I went. Cue a long series of loud wet farts and splashes, followed by the flush. I emerged to see the horrified face of some old lady and her grandson who'd heard everything. FML
Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML
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Top comments
racerapj 10
There still was an explosion in your pants.
ManInTheMachine 20
You should've pulled out your pickaxe and built a wall around that shit. Creepers are serious business.
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Comments (102)
Dahgman 4
The hard life and woes of those who are nine years old in suburbia
Dahgman 4
The moderators allow this crap to make it on the site??? I'm thinking 3/4 of the moderators are 12. It would explain excessive use of the word "awkward."
KattataFish 4
The story : yeah grandma I've been good how about y- holy shit! I have 7 levels don't blow!
coolbrony12 3
Yah I hear ya OP. I myself will jump if I hear a creeper behind me(PS that was sincere not sarcastic). But I don't in real life or crap myself when they're trying to blow up my stuff.-_-
iwadasn 33
I don't think your brother's the idiotic one in that situation.
dossome 1
One of the funniest things ive ever heard!
zandalee 20
Seems to be a lot of people crapping themselves lately. Could be a sign.
ILoveThaneKrios 1
:|.... really? honestly? why?!?!..... you scream during minecraft? oh goddess of oceans.
ILoveThaneKrios 1
I mean, there are so many other things that are more creepy. like endermen.
bTOhno 3
Do you mean slenderman?
ImSoEffedUp 10
That was u...? I was there.... Lmao.... Hello cousin...