Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML
Today, I went to a big family dinner. At one point, my cousin ran up to me, sobbing hysterically, holding his crotch, and making a huge scene. Turns out that while taking a piss, he "accidentally" swatted his willy with an electric bug zapper. I can't believe I'm related to this little shit. FML
Today, I confidently told a funny story during a holiday family dinner. Nobody laughed, except my younger cousin, who snorted so hard at the way I'd flopped into complete silence, he sprayed cranberry sauce across the table. FML
Today, after smoking, I sat down to watch Supernatural with my young cousin. I accidentally let out a burp during a demonic possession scene and, to our surprise, smoke came out of my mouth. Now there's a crying 11-year-old hiding somewhere in the house with salt. Mom will be home in 5 minutes. FML
Today, at a family gathering, I was talking to my uncle about my "awful neighbor who smokes pot all day while listening to shitty bro country, and tries to cover the smell with cheap incense." After a moment of awkward silence, I remembered my cousin, his son, is my neighbor. He was more offended by the fact that I'd insulted his taste in music. FML
Today, I went to a family reunion with my brother and my mother. She spent quite a while giving a glowing introduction for my brother to one of her cousins. Then, just before walking off, she jerked a thumb in my direction and said, "Oh, yeah, and that's his sister." FML
Today, after almost four years of having avoided her due to her hatred of my husband, my mother invited us both to a family dinner. My husband wanted to give her another chance, so we went. Less than an hour after arriving, I caught her hocking a loogie and spitting it into our food. FML
Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML
Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML
Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML
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Top comments
pavlovaaLOVE 7
Take the liberty to piss in the soup u make when they go to your place :)
yoursucklives 36
lovely family you have there... and: i'm from austria too. i don't know why, but i love reading fmls from my country!
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Comments (134)
pavlovaaLOVE 7
Take the liberty to piss in the soup u make when they go to your place :)
Skittlepickle 13
"Needs spit"
JocelynKaulitz 28
At least you're aware. You could have been eating it unknowingly
shjenn 7
mm spit soup. dont you know that's the best soup there is?
Lachiew 11
That seems fair
Drigr 9
I guess your aunt thought it was spit pea soup instead of split pea soup
bmwguy01 8
39- but to think that coincidentally Op saw the act the only time that has happened is unlikely. Op has probably ate/drank spit before:/ plus that is unbelievably boric and disgusting!!!!!
ThisIsMyReign 4
Did you tell anyone? I wouldn't have let my aunt and cousin get away with that. If my family did that they would most likely be disowned.
GodPart2 20
Could it be a witch ritual to make all of you slaves of the cousin, in the not too distant future?
LadyClarik 8
Would've been worse if you had eaten the soup first and THEN noticed the soup spitting....
darwinism 30
Really? Would that not kill the point of spitting in the soup if everyone has already eaten? It's like wiping your ass first and then doing a shit.
CaramelMacchiato 13
I think what she means is it would have been worst if OP never saw this happening because then OP would have eaten the soup like everyone else, unaware of what was "spit" into it.
XxHoPPoxX 8
How can you spit in a soup that has already been eaten?
Llama_Face89 34
I think 3 meant that it would have been worse if, after eating the first batch of soup, OP noticed the kid spitting in a second batch. While they wouldn't have known if the first batch had been similarly treated, the possibility would be there.
Enslaved 38
"Taste this soup and tell me if it needs salt?" "Hmmm, it's missing something."
LoganBurrito 6
23- HEAVY IS A SPY!
howrudoin 11
No sh!t sherlock.
yoursucklives 36
lovely family you have there... and: i'm from austria too. i don't know why, but i love reading fmls from my country!
onlychildFTW 34
I feel bad for OP for having a family like that.
Fml_FTW228 10
That's funny... If you're American/English #2's username comes up as "yoursucklives" when it should be "yourlivessuck" but the syntax transfer from Austrian to English translated it to have the incorrect order. (if you're English)
yoyoforpeace 14
Yeah I just noticed that lol
Andrew910 5
I wonder what they did to all the other foods
yahoowizard 16
Pasta with special Alfredo sauce *shudders*
CaramelMacchiato 13
Psh, "Alfredo sauce" D:
william8691 10
Women love the Alfredo sauce lol
Tali147 16
I would say, better safe than sorry and not eat any of the food. Or...if you really like spit, the soup is probably delicious.
aleeshttylXD 9
#14 LOL!!
LadyClarik 8
Or maybe they were a part of "Project Mayhem"....
HerrBawl 4
What's wrong with you folks? Don't you recognize a Chuck Palahniuk reference when you read one?
KeyboardWarrior 10
In all honesty, I have no idea who that is. And I don't really want to google it because, honestly, I don't care.
yoursucklives 36
actually, it's one of my favourite books. but i don't think the space monkeys spitt/peed in any food, only tyler did.
reaganomics 6
#41 it's okay if you don't know, that just means everyone has been following the first rule.
LuxAeterna_fml 0
And 2nd rule.
howrudoin 11
Just stop...your attempts at having comments that get thumbs up are pathetic...
mvems 13
I thought this thread was awesome, personally. But that may only because I love chuck palahunik
julian24245 0
So that's the secret ingredient?
reallytho3 11
Herpes ;)
Aoifexzx 3
At least now you know not to eat it.
Tali147 16
Maybe the soup spitting is a family tradition. OP isn't upset that the soup was spit in, but that it was supposed to be their turn and the aunt played favorites. That would upset even the best of us...
thiscrazything 1
That's when you need to be fast with the camera on your phone, and you could have shared it with your family, as they sat down to eat the spit flavored soup.
Allornone 35
No soup for you!
perdix 31
You're right, but in Austria, they don't think the Soup Nazi is very ******* funny at all. Expect a lunatic fringe that snaps their heels together, holds out their 3 dollars at arm's length and declares "Soup, heil!"
lowie89 7
Seinfeld! Love that episode
darwinism 30
When you sit down to dinner, wait until your cousin has eaten a few mouthfulls and then whisper in their ear "oh, I forgot to mention I have a real bad, itchy rash on my crotch. I wouldn't use that spoon if I were you. That's not croutons floating in your soup". Just fill up on bread OP. FYL
kaymi 17
What if they also made the bread?