Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding. When he saw I had something in my pocket, he began to ask if it was a weapon. After arguing for a few minutes I was put in handcuffs. I was too embarrassed to pull the tampon out my pocket. FML
Today, my FWB and I were on a road trip. His dumbass got us pulled over by the cops, and he decided it was the perfect moment to start fingering me. Worse yet, I got off in between visits from the cop. He took his license and ticket with his fingering hand. FML
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
Today, my girlfriend text me and told me to do something sexy because she was going to FaceTime me. I eagerly dropped my pants and started stroking it to get ready for her. As soon as I opened her call, she was standing with my wife. I literally got caught with my dick in my hand. FML
Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got busted by a cop for having sex in his car. When the cop sent us on our way, we went home and the garage was open, so we called the cops thinking someone was in the home. No one was in the house, and we got the same cop. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get hot and heavy in my truck at our favorite park. We started going at it and we were both butt naked when I saw a car pull into the lot. Not only was it a cop car, but the first thing the cop asked my girlfriend was, "Are you being held against your will?" FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got busted by the cops having sex in a dark parking lot near the beach. As if that wasn't bad enough, as I was trying to talk my way out of a ticket, one of the cops peeks into the car window and I hear my girlfriend awkwardly giggle and say, "Hi daddy." FML
Today, a police officer caught my girlfriend and me having sex. The officer was my dad, and we were butt naked in his new Ford Expedition. FML
Today, I was about to make love to my girlfriend at the local park when a cop caught us. I had to give him our information and hold a conversation with "Fire and Ice" lubricant on my penis. FML
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Top comments
ollie179 21
What's this? A gun? A knife? You people make me sick. It must be a gun, it has a sort of rounded tip. Wait...hang on. My mistake...
RockstarRN 10
Just be honest. If it was a guy cop he would probably understand why you were rushing. Hope it was worth the ticket!
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Comments (145)
RockstarRN 10
Just be honest. If it was a guy cop he would probably understand why you were rushing. Hope it was worth the ticket!
dora2297 0
So right lol
thantomaniac 0
does't matter, had sext.
sparklecherry 4
Can you just shut up now?
Jimster1712 0
Agreed. A man must understand a man to be a man.
lvlcapblue 0
That, or he'll tack on an extra citation for writing/reading texts while driving.
OhbbyCx 6
"Today I had to pull over some idiot who was going way over the speed limit. He was sweating, so It seemed like he had something to hide. I told him to get out so I could pat him down, and what do I find? His penis was erect. FML."
DerekBlaskie 6
Shoulda used the excitement in your pants as an opportunity to evade the ticket.. Hit on the cop it always works... Lol you'll need luck. Msg me your prison address, I'll send condoms.
hippie_lover123 6
did he keep it?
MrBoredGuy 1
The cop would know better than to keep someone else's naked molerat
StoryOfTheYear 15
3- I'd hope so. Loaded guns are dangerous.
cbdee 8
#3- keep what?? Cop has his own night stick :p
matt5217 4
lol!
hamncheeseinit 6
Sir just leave
Jimster1712 0
Nope.
Jimster1712 0
Its an organic gun able to shoot sticky liquid that blinds the enemy for 5 seconds with a rate of fire of 3 shots per/org at a range of 1 meter. Most effective in close range. - National Firearms Foundation
DoubleDose 0
Sir, you'd better stay back, this is a weapon of sexual destruction. Sir, I'm warning you it has the power to inflict Massive STD casualties in a 50 block radius. *officer* Holy Shit a WSD, we need a road block and the hazmat division on the double!
ollie179 21
What's this? A gun? A knife? You people make me sick. It must be a gun, it has a sort of rounded tip. Wait...hang on. My mistake...
RedPillSucks 33
of course, now it's all wet and sticky. What was this gun made of???
HAS95 0
Lol
DFlit1 0
Uncomfortable boner...
Chunkylover76 4
Hey! Look on the bright side...your one of the very few who can say they got a reach around from a cop during a traffic stop!
fabian21 0
You have the right to remain aroused.
Antoine_Dodson 0
Awkward boner achieved.
Silentshdw13 22
"Excuse me officer, that secret weapon was meant for my girlfriend.."
kyarush 10
FHL! Lol that's the last thing he expected