Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML
Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML
Today, at my job as a second grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML
Today, at school, one of my students confidently told me that I "wasn't hiding my baby bump very well anymore." I'm not pregnant. Just fat, apparently. FML
Today, even though I'm overweight, I was feeling alright about the way I looked in the historical costume I'm required to wear by my job. A little kid came in and asked me if I was having a baby. Guess I don't look as good as I thought. FML
Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML
Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, students were permitted to wear costumes at my school, but only about half of us did. In 4th period a guy asked me, "What are you supposed to be?" I wasn’t wearing a costume. FML
Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML
Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML
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Top comments
devildog562 33
The principal was just jealous you didn't have his baby. Or he's mad that the teacher is having his. Take your pick.
PossiblyInDanger 24
It's okay. I was almost kicked out of school for a few stitches drawn on my face.
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Comments (41)
K3YD0N 13
Lol this kid at my school dressed up as a flasher, he had a trench coat and short shorts with a stay in school tee shirt, no one said anything
stonedfly3 15
What else is in the teaches of Peaches?
mishwarner 14
That is gold
Bradley_Dillon 39
My school doesn't really care. Some girls wore shorts so small they fit like underwear/bikini bottoms.
chidexy 21
I'd like to see that costume
joe3_fml 15
Principal must've had a bad experience with pregnancy.
tehdarkness 21
I'll bet you're a cool kid. And I'll bet your principal was never considered cool, ever. He's jealous
laden_swallow09 35
There's that word, again, "jealous"…
prettyinpinkxoxo 9
To the principal: "insubordinate and churlish!!"
jeanyrios 10
Yep. They say one thing to your face and another behind your back.
Attacksloth 33
That's okay, let him have his sense of authority. If anything, you have a bunch of teachers and students on your side who can vouch for you. Bring the pregnant one into the office with you.
TomeDr 25
He's on a power trip.
worldclassrager 41
Couldn't the teacher back you up? Hope you still had fun later that day