Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML
Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML
Today, at my job as a second grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML
Today, at school, one of my students confidently told me that I "wasn't hiding my baby bump very well anymore." I'm not pregnant. Just fat, apparently. FML
Today, even though I'm overweight, I was feeling alright about the way I looked in the historical costume I'm required to wear by my job. A little kid came in and asked me if I was having a baby. Guess I don't look as good as I thought. FML
Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML
Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, students were permitted to wear costumes at my school, but only about half of us did. In 4th period a guy asked me, "What are you supposed to be?" I wasn’t wearing a costume. FML
Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML
Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML
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Top comments
devildog562 33
The principal was just jealous you didn't have his baby. Or he's mad that the teacher is having his. Take your pick.
PossiblyInDanger 24
It's okay. I was almost kicked out of school for a few stitches drawn on my face.
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Comments (41)
cellycrunk 16
Maybe the teacher took the selfie with you to show the principle and complain.
demonfacee 14
Principals are stupid sometimes, how should that make anyone uncomfortable? I brought a fake cigarette to school on accident and I surprisingly didn't get in trouble.
ImTheAlpha 30
This one guy at my school dressed up as a security guard. it was also a fat suit with a fake plumber butt. The actual security guard found it absolutely hilarious. your principal must be oversensitive, or hate you.
ThunderTheRad 14
What kind of school does OP go to? They don't let you wear costumes in schools past elementary.
ImTheAlpha 30
My school does as long as it's not too overly sexual or inappropriate, and you're not wearing a mask. High schoolers oddly enough dress up in costumes and go to school in them more than middle school kids. hmm.
Pelpa 6
My school is all about halloween. It is an art school though. Most high schools in NYC however let you dress up. (public schools at least)
commandercake 5
I could only hope that the teacher wasn't the one who took a selfie to go and tell a sob story to the principal. It'll be alright, OP!
lelelawl 4
It's not a selfie if there is more than one person Jesus Christ people are stupid.