Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while shopping, my dad asked me to walk further away from him, saying I was cramping his style in front of all the chicks there. FML
Today, I took my dad out shopping. I managed to pull into a really cramped parking spot and said, "Man, that was a tight squeeze." My dad then looked me in the eyes and said, "So was your mom." FML
Today, I felt so self-conscious about my gut, I pushed it out and pretended I was pregnant rather than sucking it in. FML
Today, I got harassed and screamed at by a middle-aged man for parking in a spot close to the store, because he wanted the same spot so he didn't have to walk so far with his groceries. He took a photo and vowed to report me to the authorities. FML
Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML
Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML
Today, I'm so bad at parking that I saw the guy next to me openly cringe as I pulled into a spot. FML
Today, I was at my in-laws' house, and as I was walking to the living room I had my hands on the back of my hips supporting my back. My mother-in-law told me to stop because it makes me look pregnant. I'm 9 months pregnant. FML
Today, my dad forced me to leave my empty shopping cart in the middle of a store, rather than return it to the corral. My dad’s word is law, and all I can think about is how much of an asshole I am. FML
Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML
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Top comments
delude 26
Dad wants you to be pregnant? That's a first.
sumbum95 15
Just laugh about it! It'll make a funny story hahaha.
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Comments (66)
tehowlmaster 8
hi
sumbum95 15
Just laugh about it! It'll make a funny story hahaha.
coolcocoxxx 12
Aha yeah I for sure could imagine this happening to me.
Pussycat86 18
I once pretended I was pregnant in order to get the Resturant I was at pay special attention to my meal and cook it perfectly cause "my baby is craving it badly" my friends still laugh so hard when they remember how I asked my waiter for his name after the meal and telling him I'm naming the baby (if it was a boy) after him! :D I must say the food was absolutely amazing!
theDopestChiick 8
wow wtf- _-
crazypplun1te 4
Maybe you should get pregnant to show up that sleazy bastard.
marzipanimal 15
Ummmmmmmmm no bad idea
delude 26
Dad wants you to be pregnant? That's a first.
Dalleee 29
I think your dad is a bit weird
IloveToLaugh143 21
I think your comment is a bit unnecessary.
Freethaawave 19
Most dads are weird, and most comments are unnecessary.
AustinDenton 22
That's actually really funny. You dad sounds pretty cool.
doodlecloud 27
How is it cool to lie to take away a priority spot from pregnant women? It may be empty now but he doesn't know when someone will come in and really need it.
cmayer 20
Except they can't be legally enforced bc pregnancy is not a disability. Expecting mothers don't need that space and if they really do then they should be getting a temporary handicap placard.
INDYSTRUCTABLE 43
hey!!!! tell him us preggos need those spots. it feels like my ****** spilts in half with every step I take lol.
lex1459 38
I feel like maybe all of FML didn't need to know that
olpally 33
I laughed hard at this comment, lol, that's pretty intense!!! Definitely didn't need to know that though. xD
cakefete2 31
It splits with every step, but #7, i thought you were "indystructable"?
buttcramp 21
yeah, #7 when I was pregnant I loved those parking spots and would be pissed when I'd see people park in them without being actually pregnant.
INDYSTRUCTABLE 43
#22 ..lol I use to think so too :D
TXFernwoods 26
Thank you for this; I've always wanted to know how awful being pregnant is! :D
Llama_Face89 34
I feel so uncomfortable. O.i
bluebellchimes 15
And the dad of the year award goes to.....(drumroll please)... OP's father.
oddities 20
Well, at least that's a story to tell your grandkids one day. It won't be so bad one day, you'll probably laugh about it.
gingaa96 18
Those exist??
glabberfasted 16
I thought they were crazy the first time I saw one too. The one I saw wasn't even in the front, like the handicapped spots. It was in the middle of the parking lot. Makes no sense.
laden_swallow09 35
Huh. The ones I've seen are in between the handicapped and the senior citizens' spaces