Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first time. I wanted everything to be perfect. The CD kept skipping, the rose petals had ants all over them, and he couldn't get it up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally had the opportunity to have sex with my girlfriend. This would be the first time for both of us, so I tried to make it really special. I had everything planned out to be very romantic. She loved how it was set up. After all that, I couldn't get it up at all, all night. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML
Today, I visited my boyfriend's house excited about the romantic night he promised me. As time passed, we started making out and heading up to his room. Rose petals and candles filled his room. "How romantic", I thought. That is, until we saw his 5 year old sister blowing up condom balloons. FML
Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pocket. Turns out he'd written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
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Top comments
thequickredofox 0
Sheesh - poor guy was under so much pressure, what with trying to replicate every cliched movie ever made 'n all, no wonder he choked!
allmidnighteyes 11
Rose petals? Somebody's read a few too many romance novels. At least you didn't have a Twilight fantasy.... **** that shit.
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Comments (241)
gothic_cat_lady 0
hey, the first time I did it, we were playing music, and it definitely added to the mood. Rose petals are a little much though. Lube and condoms are more important.
were_giraffe 2
a real man wouldn't care about a skipping cd he might care about ants but... real men don't need music to have sex
pickwick716 0
you deserve it for being a walking cliche
leito108 3
next time change the cd...crush a blue pill on his drink (so he gets it up)...or at least get some BUG B GONE...
skullbuster 0
Advice: 1) Buy an IPOD 2) Rinse the petals 3) Boyfriend is gay...buy a vibrator!
dbjb40 0
ydi for trying too hard im still a virgin and i think that was just retarded your first time should be out of passion not planning like everyone else said if you plan too much something WILL go wrong
xXMILKYCHUNKSXx 0
141, get a ******* life, seriously. And don't waste your time with the music and pedals and shit. Sex doesn't need anything extra. It's fine the way it is.
tequilabird 0
YDI for trying to have a cliche romantic night
waterynuggets 0
Lmao you gotta be pretty pathetic to get online and make up stories about getting laid. You sound like a dumbass. Or a troll. :*
Punkguy39 0
Maybe if you checked all of that stuff over be4 making love, i bet your a blonde... and yea you are a child mollester O.O
K001 0
YDI for trying to make everything perfect, it doesn't work that way