Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first time. I wanted everything to be perfect. The CD kept skipping, the rose petals had ants all over them, and he couldn't get it up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I finally had the opportunity to have sex with my girlfriend. This would be the first time for both of us, so I tried to make it really special. I had everything planned out to be very romantic. She loved how it was set up. After all that, I couldn't get it up at all, all night. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend with candles and a sexy outfit. When he came in, he insisted that we needed music to help set the mood. Thirty minutes later, he's still searching for a song. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. He was so nervous, he broke down in tears after failing to unclasp my bra after multiple fumbling attempts. Mood? Ruined. FML
Today, I visited my boyfriend's house excited about the romantic night he promised me. As time passed, we started making out and heading up to his room. Rose petals and candles filled his room. "How romantic", I thought. That is, until we saw his 5 year old sister blowing up condom balloons. FML
Today, after months of patiently waiting, I finally got my roommates out of the house for the night so I could have sex with my boyfriend for the first time without being interrupted. He couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I had sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pocket. Turns out he'd written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML
Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML
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Top comments
thequickredofox 0
Sheesh - poor guy was under so much pressure, what with trying to replicate every cliched movie ever made 'n all, no wonder he choked!
allmidnighteyes 11
Rose petals? Somebody's read a few too many romance novels. At least you didn't have a Twilight fantasy.... **** that shit.
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Comments (241)
bigcrazymike 6
There's a lot of pressure to perform well the first time you're with a woman. I know I'm always nervous the first time. I feel like I gotta knock it out of the park. You set the bar pretty high thinking it had to be perfect. I can only imagine how pressured he must have felt in the situation you described. And to write this an an FML you don't seem like the most forgiving woman either. FHL, I feel bad for your bf.
MySadFace 0
Because the first time you go bowling you bowl a perfect game right? YDI
feed_the_ducks 0
The hopeless romantic in me understands why you had the CD and petals, but honestly even I know the first time usually isn't all that great and I'm still a virgin. Maybe you should have had a less intense environment to make him more comfortable. I'm pretty sure that if he was a virgin as well you only made him feel pressured to live up to this fantasy you created. I hope the next time you take the advice people have given you on here and just let things happen as they happen.
BascketCase 0
don't worry, I feel your pain..
TheKitsune 0
Try a paper bag next time.
dunyone1 0
YDI for not being married.
condog15 0
hahaha sucks for you i swear the people on this site fail so hard at life
insertclevername_fml 0
Aw, don't worry too much about it. he was probably nervous. next time it will be great. love and good relationships aren't about having things perfect, it's about the imperfections disappearing when you're with them. if you're in love everything will be fine.
dhkb1337 0
Honey im 17 and the first time sucked so bad. Me and my gf had tea before we did it for the first time. it was such a mood ruiner when we both had to pee the whole time.... sorry for sharing but just to illustrate how friggen bad the first time is most of the time
faveat_fortuna 0
first times always suck. my first time i was drunk, and after hours of drinking he decides to finally STOP playing world of warcraft (were talking about a 22 year old marine here) and come to bed with me....10 minutes later, he's done and then decides to get up and continue playing WoW, but not before he tells me to go sleep on the couch. so believe me, first times suck.