Today, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. During the rounds, a grisly but nice young fellow told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was quite touched; that is until he leaned in and added, "Can I have them for my collection?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a creepy man on the subway said he liked my eyeballs. It was the best compliment I've received in months. FML
Today, while volunteering to feed the homeless, one of them asked me to follow him to his car where he had a knife and bottle so he could "bottle up my blood". FML
Today, I was helping out at my church. At lunchtime, a really cute guy my age walked over and told me I was pretty. I was flattered, until I turned around and saw his annoyed buddies handing him several dollar bills. FML
Today, I went to a café and got some soup. When I was done, a nice waiter came over and offered to take my mostly empty soup bowl. I quickly ate the last of it, looked up smiling and said, "Thanks!" The soup dribbled out of my mouth and onto his hand. FML
Today, while I was volunteering at the homeless shelter, one of them "accidentally" kissed me. It felt like my face was being sucked by a vacuum. FML
Today, I told a cashier at a store, “You have such kind eyes.” She smiled, then pointed to the bagging station and said, “Those are my husband’s eyes, he’s right there.” I spent the next minute bagging my groceries in dead silence. FML
Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML
Today, at the soup kitchen I volunteer at, a guy called the food crap and threatened to shove his bowl up my ass if I didn't give him something better. FML
Today, while out with my boyfriend, I gave a beggar some cash, who then smiled at me and said to my boyfriend, "You have a beautiful little lady, take good care of her." Flattered, I hoped my boyfriend would agree with the compliment. He turned and said, "Hear that? He said you were little." FML
Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML
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Top comments
TheFamilyElf 17
Yikes. "Well, no, but you can have an extra helping of mashed potatoes instead.."
James64138 26
At least he doesn't want to eat them, along with the rest of your face...
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Comments (110)
moonsxstars 6
Make sure you are with someone you trust to protect you at all time.
felisaa 5
Pure awkwardness ._.
NYCZO 0
He was joking lol jeez lighten up
GaleIsHawt 5
Run Forest, Run!
unknown_user5566 27
If he does it again, just pause, and then yell... NO SOUP FOR YOU!
perdix 31
The spelling is perfect, the punctuation is impeccable . . . I can't go all Grammar Nazi on you!
unknown_user5566 27
Quite right, good sir. ;)
THExistentialist 13
perdix, you failed me; she forgot to quote the phrase to be yelled. but I liked her suggestion anyway x3 *squee I out-nazi'd someone on FML for the first time in three years! AND IT WAS THE PERDIX!*
zainrock 2
I call 'fake'....the reason is because I I've read that exact line on some website years ago about psycho pick-up lines. I think OP just wanted to see how people would respond if any of them actually got tried out
unknown_user5566 27
Just because the pick-up line is on a website doesn't mean the creepy homeless man is incapable of using it on someone.
missalkali 8
well stop "calling fake" it's kind of a douchy thing to do. and perhaps it's real and it was the creepy dude who wanted to know how people would respond if it was actually tried out. *edit: the comment this was in response to was deleted
amarchingclock 6
What? No one else collects beautiful eyeballs?
igive 29
No, they don't keep as well as bones do. *sigh*
starsfan_9 7
I think everyone can agree with me when I say: that shit cray
PlaidPanda 9
I must disagree with you :/
steelflax 5
What he order?? Fish fillet
SystemofaBlink41 27
Yeah 25, that shit is cray!
PresAgent 23
No, #25, I don't agree with you. However, that may be because I know how to spell 'crazy' properly.
steelflax 5
What he order fish fillet
Z03y 7
Crayon?
melrose90210 10
Well, I guess that's what you get for trying to help.
MCRaddict15 15
I don't think that experience should interfere with being a good human. OP was just being a good person. Also,there was a serial killer who used to cut out human eyeballs after he would kill his victims, so it's not very uncommon. OP should just walk away.
22cute 17
It was a movie.
chrystalthequeen 8
"Uh no I like my eyes in my face…" That would be so creepy!!!