Today, while I was volunteering at the homeless shelter, one of them "accidentally" kissed me. It felt like my face was being sucked by a vacuum. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking down the strip with a friend when we saw a homeless man with no arm. I felt bad, so I gave him some cash and I looked into his poor little eyes when he put out his arm for a hug. Without thinking, I hugged him. Right as I was thinking, "WTF am I doing?" he kissed my boob. FML
Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML
Today, I went in for a hug with my friend, but she leaned in for a kiss on the cheek at the same time. What followed was a full-on awkward face collision where I ended up kissing her on the lips. We both stood there, staring at each other before I muttered, “Sorry, gross." She really took it personally. FML
Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML
Today, while volunteering to feed the homeless, one of them asked me to follow him to his car where he had a knife and bottle so he could "bottle up my blood". FML
Today, while hanging out with this guy I'm interested in, we turned and made eye contact. We were face to face and I thought he was finally going to kiss me. He decided to lick my face from chin to forehead instead. FML
Today, I was walking on a main street downtown. Suddenly, I felt someone slap my butt. I turned around, expecting to be my girlfriend who was to meet me there and almost gave an old homeless man a kiss on the cheek. FML
Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML
Today, after getting together with the guy who I like, and who actually likes me back, he finally kissed me. Unfortunately, he kisses like he’s trying to suck out my soul. FML
Today, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. During the rounds, a grisly but nice young fellow told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was quite touched; that is until he leaned in and added, "Can I have them for my collection?" FML
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Top comments
GovernorGeneral 8
Everything's an accident nowadays.
Jeffo193 13
Wait, a homeless guy kissed you and your biggest concern is that it wasn't a very good kiss!?
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Comments (109)
iliketomoveit123 10
Were they sexy?
jideare 3
Camping at the homeless shelter kind of deletes you from that database of sexy people.
GovernorGeneral 8
He wouldn't be at the homeless shelter if he was sexy. ( just assuming it was a male )
uberdubers 3
7 - No.. he wouldn't be at the homeless shelter if he had a home. Anti-sexiness has nothing to do with the fact that they are in the shelter.
iliketomoveit123 10
Exactly. So he could still be sexy. Lmao
cmdjdjskajgnxksl 0
1- that comment you made had me laughing it's the fact that you tried to be funny but failed at it xD
iliketomoveit123 10
Not really trying to be funny, but I'm happy you had a laugh.
cmdjdjskajgnxksl 0
Ohh then what was that comment all about are you just that stupid ??
iliketomoveit123 10
Nope I'm actually a smart person, believe it or not. I was simply asking a question. Just because you're homeless doesn't mean you can't be good looking.
cmdjdjskajgnxksl 0
OBVIOUSLY ! They weren't if its on FML -.-
iliketomoveit123 10
How do you know they put this on FML because the person was ugly? They could just be disappointed that a random stranger did this to them.
chokefrantic 9
Has no one seen that YouTube remix of LMFAO's "Sexy and I Know It"? It's called "I'm sexy and I'm homeless".
UltimateGIRness 16
What is with people arguing these last few days? On the last fml a bunch of people argued about a guy profile pic.i mean seriously
DocBastard 40
Can you two stop the shameless flirting now? The sexual tension is so thick I can cut it. Take it to PMs and leave the rest of us out of it.
iliketomoveit123 10
I'm not flirting. I usually don't flirt with someone who calls me stupid with no reasoning.
DocBastard 40
I was joking. Would you rather I say "Will you two shut the **** up and stop the pointless arguing?" I was just trying to be polite. That's the last time I try THAT.
folfg0 12
Iliketomoveit42. Way to prove your smart.... Not. Did anyone else notice she's blonde? Blonde joke! Don't thumb down!
lolfood 24
Firstly, it's "you're" not "your" stupid, which makes you look like the stupid one here. Second, almost no one here appreciates blonde jokes. Third, if you ask to not get thumbed down, people are going to thumb down your comment. Especially if it is stupid like that one.
iliketomoveit123 10
I don't have to prove to you that I'm smart. Woohoo let's all make fun of blondes.
JoeSaysSsso 2
It would be nice if you knew how to use the spacebar.Blonds these days.
GovernorGeneral 8
Everything's an accident nowadays.
Krirn 21
Just like the comment below yours.
BunchieRules 31
Like that kid who bug-zapped himself in a very bad place... typing that out made me cringe, but I had to mention it somewhere.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
2) like when somebody accidentally gets pregnant. Yeah, you accidentally slipped into her ****** and jizzed.
rhealistic 1
76- you slipped into itover and over and over again...
dlcj22 11
What bum do u know is sexy wtf
XKXKKXK 10
There is a reply button. But even then, it should be used for legitimate replies. Not kids with no grammar abilities.
Senseless_487 29
Oooh, I feel another pointless argument coming on! *grabs popcorn*
iliketomoveit123 10
Totally stole my popcorn comment! Lol
uberdubers 3
That reminds me, there's an argument about popcorn on a previous FML.. People on this site argue about everything.
iliketomoveit123 10
That's just how the world is.
Senseless_487 29
Lol I've used that popcorn comment in many FMLs. Don't worry. We weren't the first, and we won't be the last!
dlcj22 11
Says the 17 year old kid who hasn't graduated high school
FranzFerdinand 18
49: Not the world, just the Internet. So yeah… for some of us, the world. -_-
AClassActx3 7
Im sure its not that serious . & using an acronym is bad grammar now?
Senseless_487 29
No, using "u" instead of "you" is bad grammar. And, you know, not using punctuation.
Listerinekiss_fml 7
Op just don't think about that creepy part of your volunteering and think about all the people you helped feed if anything the kiss was a minor setback
the_anti_hipster 7
Mmmm... Tastes like...Old leathery shoe?
Jeffo193 13
Wait, a homeless guy kissed you and your biggest concern is that it wasn't a very good kiss!?
uberdubers 3
I think it was more the fact that it added to the disgusting-ness of it
nofearjenshere 12
The FML wouldn't have been as interesting without the whole, "sucked by a vacuum" part.
MissSmartenup 4
8- exactly what I was thinking, lol. I work in a jail and I would have run to the hospital for some tests, ew. These Hs (hepatitis, HIV) diseases are scary. All knowing that anybody can have anything, and that it's not because they are homeless that there are sick, the % is quite hight on my personal experience!
doctorhook86 25
8: This is a double FML. OP is pissed about getting an unwanted kiss, and even more pissed that it wasn't any good.
hersheykisses511 18
I think she may have been saying that it wasn't an accident because of how hard he was sucking
jellycorn 13
Exactly how do you 'accidentally' kiss someone? It's pretty damn voluntary.
BunchieRules 31
Well... y'see, if you close your eyes while preparing to kiss someone, and they quickly replace themselves with someone else, you may experience a sensation similar to that of many romantic comedies, an accidental kiss from a stranger. Except it was you kissing them, which makes it even more awkward when you tell them it was an accident. But that's just one of the many theories, another involving a rubber chicken, which I will not explain in detail.
MuzikMojo17 0
I have fallen into someone's lips face first. That's what you call an accidental kiss.
cami197934 3
Do you not understand quotation marks??
MainPrism 16
Ah yes, nothing quite like a homeless Hoover to suck your face off...
deransc 19
accidentally
Michael_92 20
Maybe it was a girl
SkoomaKi 28
Did you accidentally kick him in balls?
tylersign 11
I guess he thought your face needed a good cleaning.