Today, I visited my new doctor for the migraines I've been getting lately. Right from the start, I could have sworn the guy was on drugs. He just listened to my heartbeat, said, "Well Dave, it sounds like gallstones" and said they'll pass naturally. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I visited my new doctor, hoping that he would be able to figure out the cause of the pains I've been having for years. He told me there's nothing he can do, that half the drugs out there cause cancer anyway and that I should look into homeopathy. Great. FML
Today, I saw my doc about the painful swelling I've had in my arm all week. He seemed totally out of it, and ended up telling me it's all in my head, despite the swelling. When I respectfully suggested it might be a blood issue, he just said, "Nah". FML
Today, I went to see a doctor about some of the memory problems I've been having. After the appointment, I could barely remember a thing he told me. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's after over a week of feeling extremely tired and having headaches. His advice? "When I'm tired I drink coffee. You should drink coffee." Somehow, I don't think that was worth $60. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because I felt sick. He told me to describe the symptoms I had. With every new symptom I described, he took a step back. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because I have been getting my period every week and a half and they are ridiculously heavy. He then spent the entire time discussing painkillers (I'm allergic to most) and when I asked to be put on birth control, he said I'd need another appointment for that. FML
Today, I called my insurance company begging for a new doctor. All my current one does is prescribe antidepressants for everything. Migraines? AD! Dizziness? AD! Birth control? AD! I’ve been having rough periods and I’m pretty sure she’s just trying to push pills to bill us more. FML
Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML
Today, after two weeks of migraines, my doctor informed me that bowel movements are one my triggers. This means every time I shit, I will have a headache. FML
Today, it was the day of the doctor's appointment that I've been waiting for for eight months. I woke up with a fever and had to reschedule. The next appointment is next year. Guess I have to put up with my daily migraines until 2021. FML
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Top comments
KittyJay 3
Sounds legit to me O_o
me234 7
Time for a new doctor.
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Comments (139)
babe7260 30
Omg are you FREAKING kidding me?? Did he receive his medical degree from a Cracker Jack Box??? I hope you ran out ( without paying) before he started describing his colorful hallucinations to you!!!!! Ask around & find a GOOD dr!!!! Good Luck Man!!!!
babe7260 30
Btw what a ******* moron!!!!!
barlessprison 16
You need to calm your ****.
kirstyndwatson 0
Hey good news is you might get a scrip pad I'n exchange for some of that crack he's smoking haha:) just kidding drugs are bad. Find a new doctor that isn't going to think your a blue smurf when he looks at you from all the drugs that lunatics on.
Redditions 0
I didn't know your doctor was House!
psuedoanon 2
Excedrin migraine. That will be 600 dollars... I accept PayPal only.
Megan98 18
This reminds me so much of the picture that says "I'm not a gynecologist but I'll take a look".
momo1972 3
Wow, money well spent on his education huh
Max1468 4
Altaiiiirrrrrrrr.
HeartOfLead 24
Your doctor clearly knew what he was doing. If you would've asked him what gallstones have to do with migraines, he would have told you that it is common knowledge that gallstones spelled backwards is Senotsllag backwards. And Senotsllag is Dutch for malatete (mal-a-tete). Malatete is french for Ocetebrus. Ocetebrus is Greek for halaiahumblahblah, which is Latin for Migraine Brain Box. This is all simply fancy talk for the thing that will periodically cause a migraine. Your doctor knew his background information and told you that it will pass because everyone knows migraines are periodical. Simple as that, you're welcome.
Harpy20 24
"totally ******" is what he was trying to tell you.
cdypoore 0
He may be on to something. Eastern medicine theorizes that gallstones can cause headaches. Just Google it.
Ceejay1 13
Painful!