Today, I visited my new doctor for the migraines I've been getting lately. Right from the start, I could have sworn the guy was on drugs. He just listened to my heartbeat, said, "Well Dave, it sounds like gallstones" and said they'll pass naturally. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I visited my new doctor, hoping that he would be able to figure out the cause of the pains I've been having for years. He told me there's nothing he can do, that half the drugs out there cause cancer anyway and that I should look into homeopathy. Great. FML
Today, I saw my doc about the painful swelling I've had in my arm all week. He seemed totally out of it, and ended up telling me it's all in my head, despite the swelling. When I respectfully suggested it might be a blood issue, he just said, "Nah". FML
Today, I went to see a doctor about some of the memory problems I've been having. After the appointment, I could barely remember a thing he told me. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's after over a week of feeling extremely tired and having headaches. His advice? "When I'm tired I drink coffee. You should drink coffee." Somehow, I don't think that was worth $60. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because I felt sick. He told me to describe the symptoms I had. With every new symptom I described, he took a step back. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because I have been getting my period every week and a half and they are ridiculously heavy. He then spent the entire time discussing painkillers (I'm allergic to most) and when I asked to be put on birth control, he said I'd need another appointment for that. FML
Today, I called my insurance company begging for a new doctor. All my current one does is prescribe antidepressants for everything. Migraines? AD! Dizziness? AD! Birth control? AD! I’ve been having rough periods and I’m pretty sure she’s just trying to push pills to bill us more. FML
Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML
Today, after two weeks of migraines, my doctor informed me that bowel movements are one my triggers. This means every time I shit, I will have a headache. FML
Today, it was the day of the doctor's appointment that I've been waiting for for eight months. I woke up with a fever and had to reschedule. The next appointment is next year. Guess I have to put up with my daily migraines until 2021. FML
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Top comments
KittyJay 3
Sounds legit to me O_o
me234 7
Time for a new doctor.
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Comments (139)
calaholic35 0
Maybe he was just ******* with you...
perdix 31
How can you blame the guy? The drug reps give him tons of free samples and he has to test them before he prescribes them. Just hope that your appointment doesn't fall on the day he tests Viagra ;)
AbbyAbyss 5
Oh don't worry Perdix, I already went through that day. I kind of enjoyed it.
zandalee 20
Yep. So did I. Great day
KingCeltic77 18
My grandma had a doc like that. Had to get all her teeth pulled cause that's all he knew how to do. I wonder why some people are doctors.
ImaginaryFoe 1
I think I've found the problem. Your grandmother went to an dentist / oral surgeon. She might want to consider a general practitioner. ;)
36591951 9
Or maybe she went to the dentist because she had a dental problem?
ManInTheMachine 20
Maybe it's the migranes making you hallucinate? That, or your doctor is a psycho. One of the two. Either way, FYL.
chabooty27 7
Wow... Time for a new doctor who hopefully isn't high on LSD.
the_anti_hipster 7
Nah, if the dr was in LSD he'd be smelling colors and tasting sounds, talking to garden gnomes and trying to touch the sun. His doctor's just a pedobear.
LoganBurrito 6
I miss DocBastard... He would know just what to say for this one.
ManInTheMachine 20
As do I...nobody can replace him. :(
hooligyn123 18
What happened to the good ol' DocB anyway?
ImaginaryFoe 1
He never comments on medical FMLs. I don't blame him. Doctors and IT professionals are two careers that are prone to being pestered for free advice.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
I thought I read somewhere that he left because of the stupid commenters.
AbbyAbyss 5
Now you got me cryin'!
PlaidPanda 9
What was his last comment? We need to find a way to electronically frame that, put it up in the hall of fame.. Something!
ManInTheMachine 20
54-He got into an argument with somebody on his last FML...not sure if you want to 'frame' that. Ha, I love how people are saying 'i think I read somewhere it was because of stupid commenters'. It's been on my profile for the past 5 days, and he said it on his last FML. BTW, his last comments were in the FML about the Beauty school, replied under 19's comment. You're welcome. :)
DocBastard 40
I guess in that case I should say something completely ludicrous and insane. You know, for posterity. Let's see...oh, got it. Ahem. The gallstones have clearly eroded out of your gall bladder into your blood stream, have made their way through your circulatory system, and have now lodged in your brain and are cutting off its blood supply. You need IMMEDIATE brain surgery to remove your brain stones or else you will die. No seriously, this happens. Trust me, I'm a doctor.
ManInTheMachine 20
DocBastard! :'D One last recommendation out of the Good Doc. But I suppose your conclusion still stands in terms of commenting. In which case, it was a pleasure commenting with you. Oh, and do you want me to pull down my...'memorial' on my profile? Just curious.
DocBastard 40
I'm not really 'gone' per se. I still troll the comments, and I'll still drop a comment here and there. But I just can't dedicate the time that I did before.
LoganBurrito 6
Whether you're on as much as you used to be or not, it's always a pleasure to have you here on FML, Doc.
mango260 9
Agreed :D
KiddNYC1O 22
Wow...
PlaidPanda 9
Thank you maninthemachine, I was curious what the specific straw was that broke the um... Docs back. It is certainly good to see you doc, whether you comment as regularly or not, glad you're not completely gone.
I_EAT_KITTENS_FO 5
trippin'
strawberrywine22 30
Wow. Can we say "malpractice suit"?
perdix 31
I can't. I keep saying "mar plactice" -- I'm studying Chinese and the accent is leaking into my Engrish.
flockz 20
wow i actually ror'ed at that.
Llamacod 11
flockz, you mean "acuarry"
CaramelMacchiato 13
Malpractice suit. Do I get a cookie? :D
CaramelMacchiato 13
Um, this was meant to be a reply to 14's comment. Sorry, guys! :3
funnytruth 0
Sounds legit ;)