Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend smashed a glass in my face. When I went to the hospital, the first thing the nurse did was ask what I did to upset her, and then muttered that she hoped I'd learned a lesson. FML
Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, I angrily waved away an annoying fly with a large knife. I stabbed myself in the shoulder. FML
Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
CyclonePsycho 1
At least you stopped her from getting on the road and potentially killing someone. :D
lukewarmocha 0
naw...you could make up a pretty cool story.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (198)
SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0
You tried. Hopefully she'll get pulled over for swerving all over the road to teach her a lesson. I applaud you for trying though dude. You can tell people that you had to wrestle her to the ground, but she had a lot of fight in her. xD
jahwn 12
Good job making the world a little safer.
Dragonmouth 4
A drunk, female Mike Tyson.
Proudmary 2
Instead of thinking "it's so similar to a recent FML, it must be fake" don't you guys think "This guy saw a recent FML and got reminded of a past even that was FML and decided to submit it?" I know I've submitted a few FMLs after reading the site because they made me remember my own moments. (then again, I never get past moderation =( )
rc024 0
What a crazy bitch....hahaha that sucks try and be nice to someone and what happens? U get bitten by sum crazy bitch that was so drunk she didnt even realize u were trying to save her life....after that i would have given her keys back and said goodluck!!! FYL!!!
DrAwesome 6
Wow, that sucks. I mean, not like a vampire pun, but sucks as in unfortunate. Wait a sec...Pelota? California? Woman? Ms. Ball, is that you!? :O
ithedarkknight 0
punch her in the ****** mouth! idc
lovely997 0
Springbirder- I like your Obama comments :]
dothehelenkeller 0
YDI for being born.
oceanman 7
and that, is exactly why they say "Good guys finish last."
dr_house_MD 0
OP is a woman...but nice try