Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend smashed a glass in my face. When I went to the hospital, the first thing the nurse did was ask what I did to upset her, and then muttered that she hoped I'd learned a lesson. FML
Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, I angrily waved away an annoying fly with a large knife. I stabbed myself in the shoulder. FML
Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML
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Top comments
CyclonePsycho 1
At least you stopped her from getting on the road and potentially killing someone. :D
lukewarmocha 0
naw...you could make up a pretty cool story.
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Comments (198)
Macaron_fml 0
That's a story to tell your kids.
Kazerie625 0
at least you got the scar preventing a drunk driving accident, instead of being involved in one you should be proud!!! you saved who knows how many lives! wear that battle scar proudly soldier girl!!!
uberchicken 0
It isn't even a cool scar, friggin teeth marks.
Jarlais 0
let the bitch go kill herself next time
Starsmydog 0
If she did that to me I would have punched her in the face until I break her nose. Than handed her her keys back. Bitch had it coming.
Nightfallz 0
good on you for stopping her. don't be afraid to slap a ho before she goes DUI and kills someone
Eltsc 0
How is this a FML? You did the right thing, and you get a cool scar to show off.
DankJemo 0
I love how Tv commercials, DARE, and all other forms of substance based education tell you to "take their keys" as if it is actually easy. I don't know how many people have tried to stop drunk people from driving, but they are actually more persistent than a sober person, much less predictable too. At least you're going to have a cool scar when the bite mark is healed.
NoNameAtAll_fml 1
If u r a guy make up some story of wild sex or somthing
billchilled 0
Vampire xD