Bittie

Today, it was my brother's wedding so my mother-in-law was taking care of my 8-month-old son. When I came back to our room to check how things were going, I saw her "breastfeeding" my child. She said it was the only way to calm him down because he didn't have a pacifier. FML

Today, it's 3:42 a.m. and my son is crying because I won't let him play with his dirty diaper. FML

Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML

Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML

Today, my son turned 18. He now calls me by my first name instead of "dad" and refuses to stop. FML

Today, I saw my two-year-old son trying to floss his teeth. He was using an earthworm. FML

Today, I finally convinced my son to use the potty. Later, he saw a show on TV about a toilet monster. Now he's too scared to even step foot into the bathroom. Here's to another few months of diaper changes. FML

Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML

Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML

Kinda weird

Today, my son is incapable of sleeping alone because my husband keeps co-sleeping with him, stating, "He's going to be a kid for only a little while." The same guy who forced me to stop co-sleeping with the same kid because, "Kids need to be independent." The hypocrisy. FML