Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML
Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML
Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the three books. FML
Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML
Today, my brother's girlfriend came over to visit and we got to talking about books. Thinking she'd be interested, I suggested a few. She responded that she "only reads good literature." The only books I've ever seen her read are Fifty Shades of Gray and the Twilight saga. FML
Today, my wife can't be bothered to do anything that isn't work, talk about her work, and sit on the sofa. Then she complains that I don't show any affection, when she can be bothered to even talk to me. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend still writes Twilight fan fiction. FML
Today, I'd booked a day off work so I could sit and read books all day. I told my wife this, and her response was basically, "Well since you're at home not doing anything important, here’s a list of jobs that need doing." I wasn’t aware enjoying reading counted as doing nothing important. FML
Today, trying to be romantic, I invited my girlfriend over to watch a movie. I said she could pick one up on the way, and I'd pay for it later. I ended up having to suffer through some "movie" that involved nothing but Nicolas Cage gurning like a stroke victim between crappy fight scenes. FML
Today, I went on a date with a cute guy I met at a bookstore. He stood up and said he was leaving when I said that I didn't like 50 Shades of Grey, because he, "doesn't want to be near a bitch who doesn't know her place". He then told me to give him a ride home. FML
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Top comments
ManInTheMachine 20
Dammit redbluegreen! You edited your comment and now I look like an idiot.
Snafuusmc 12
IT'S A TRAP!
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Comments (134)
brittproud 4
It's not plagiarism at all. Like twilight. It's a love story. But the stories are no where near the same.
missd420 16
It was a Twilight fan fiction. Do your research
kishuu_fml 1
She obviously is giving you hints on how to spice up your marriage
josephhaynes1990 1
By reading a book that her husband obviously has no interest in on the day he took offto spend with her? Yep, definitely sounds like she's dropping some major hints there
kaymi 17
Today, it's my birthday and I'm sick as hell. It feels like I constantly have to poop when I don't and my uterus is trying destroy me...or Might have another birthday surprise. Fml
deathtothepix 26
"Blatant plagiarism of twilight." - Who cares? Twilight sucks. [Warning, this comment contains a personal opinion]
AnyaS 19
Are they freaks because of the BDSM or because it's Twilight? Because being into a consenting form of erotic/sexual activity doesn't make one a freak just because not all want to jump into the boat.
rattusrattus 19
Speaking as a BDSM 'freak' myself, this is not BDSM. I borrowed them from the library out of curiosity. Christian Gray is an abusive stalker who is creepier than Edward Cullen, and Ana Steele is a doormat too spineless - and some may argue too stupid - to give meaningful consent. It wasn't arousing. It was deeply, deeply disturbing.
esines 9
Some sexual activities make people freaks though. If you don't believe me then google search "Two girls one cup". Freaks
Glidefedt 6
It's a hint..
stinkFist232 3
Could be a hint there, chief. Might want to pick up some candles, nylon rope and a butt plug next time. :D
missathegirlwond 19
Well 50 shades was written as a Twilight fanfiction piece called 'Masters of the Universe.' So it's just as, if no more, pathetic than Twilight itself. :P
sbjess 8
YDI for reading twilight
loserman67 36
I think you need to leave before she gets dressed up in leather, ties you up and whips the shit out of you. But hey, maybe you're into that sort of thing. It's obvious that you are already masochistic, marrying a woman who can read such drivel... "but Dear, when is it my turn?" "THIS IS YOUR TURN!"