Today, I took my dad out shopping. I managed to pull into a really cramped parking spot and said, "Man, that was a tight squeeze." My dad then looked me in the eyes and said, "So was your mom." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML
Today, while shopping, my dad asked me to walk further away from him, saying I was cramping his style in front of all the chicks there. FML
Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML
Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML
Today, as my brother parked in our hotel's parking lot, I told him to be careful because the car wasn't straight. He retorted, "Yeah, just like you". My mother was in the back seat and heard everything. I hadn't come out yet. FML
Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML
Today, I illicitly borrowed my dad's car to go to the store, but crashed into my mom's car as she and dad were returning from my grandma's house. Both cars are totalled, my mom is in hospital with a broken collarbone, and I realised dads really can make steam come out their ears if they’re really mad. FML
Today, my father and I were out in town when a lady walked up and commented on what a great looking couple we were. My dad puts his arm around me and says, "Thank you! We've been together for 17 years." FML
Today, I borrowed my dad's car to run a quick errand, which he never lets me do. I thought I’d got away with it until he got home and started yelling. I forgot, dad always reverses into driveways, while I prefer to drive straight in, and I'd parked his car facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I was at the mall with some friends. In the food court we passed by this creepy pervert feeling up a woman. I take a closer look and realize with horror that the guy is my dad in sunglasses and a hat. The lady he was with was not my mom. FML
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Top comments
MassiDelta 28
Some say OP is still cringing to this very day...
Mechazilla2 15
On the bright side, he didn't say " so was your sister."
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Comments (70)
punsarefun 8
He wanted to make your soul cringe when he stared into your eyes
vikky538 29
Let me know if you need holy water to Clean your bloody ears OP.
MrSassypants 34
I can only imagine if he kept going on. "And then you had to be born and ruin the tightness." "Dad, please stop talking." "She had to use extra force to push your big head out." "Dad, please! Stop!" "Oh, and your sister, mayor of giant head town came along...." "DAD! SHUT UP!"
NineeCat 32
Vaginas are amazing. A couple of kegels and your back to "pre ******" wonder:) they're pretty much just like any other muscle in your body.
money2g 7
You know from experience?
trucker2 33
I hear a sex talk, approaching
MonstreBelle 29
I would hope OP's dad gave him the sex talk long before he was old enough to drive
trucker2 33
Could've said flip her over, it gets better
teentee401 37
Two swings, two misses.
swishy25 14
#23, I wish I could thumb up your comment more then one time!!! Perfect comment!!!!
peacheso 31
And 23,s display picture makes the comment more awesome. Thanks for making me laugh
starglow13 10
he takes your mom jokes to a hole new level
gracehi 33
I see what you did there.
trucker2 33
Dad would have shit, if you looked him in the eye and said "I know",and wink !!
Bibblejomin 18
Maybe it's time to stop posting.
trucker2 33
Sorry, was on break everyone had a comment
RedPillSucks 33
that was hilarious!!!
SystemofaBlink41 27
Strike! Yer OUT!
holyshmolly 13
lol. made me laugh
rvontr88 21
Oh. No. I wish you could bleach your brain.
RedPillSucks 33
on the next episode of how I ______ed your mother....
worldclassrager 41
You didn't really walk into that one...but for some reason he had to take it a bit too personal