Today, I took my dad out shopping. I managed to pull into a really cramped parking spot and said, "Man, that was a tight squeeze." My dad then looked me in the eyes and said, "So was your mom." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad made me stick my gut out and walk around awkwardly, just so I'd look pregnant and let him get away with parking in an "expectant mothers" parking spot. FML
Today, while shopping, my dad asked me to walk further away from him, saying I was cramping his style in front of all the chicks there. FML
Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML
Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML
Today, as my brother parked in our hotel's parking lot, I told him to be careful because the car wasn't straight. He retorted, "Yeah, just like you". My mother was in the back seat and heard everything. I hadn't come out yet. FML
Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML
Today, I illicitly borrowed my dad's car to go to the store, but crashed into my mom's car as she and dad were returning from my grandma's house. Both cars are totalled, my mom is in hospital with a broken collarbone, and I realised dads really can make steam come out their ears if they’re really mad. FML
Today, my father and I were out in town when a lady walked up and commented on what a great looking couple we were. My dad puts his arm around me and says, "Thank you! We've been together for 17 years." FML
Today, I borrowed my dad's car to run a quick errand, which he never lets me do. I thought I’d got away with it until he got home and started yelling. I forgot, dad always reverses into driveways, while I prefer to drive straight in, and I'd parked his car facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I was at the mall with some friends. In the food court we passed by this creepy pervert feeling up a woman. I take a closer look and realize with horror that the guy is my dad in sunglasses and a hat. The lady he was with was not my mom. FML
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Top comments
MassiDelta 28
Some say OP is still cringing to this very day...
Mechazilla2 15
On the bright side, he didn't say " so was your sister."
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Comments (70)
WOTAN1488 24
YDI for PULLING yourself into that one ;)
captainsmegma 12
At least he didn't add "until I reamed her out"
CluelessKitKat 18
o.O all I have to say is OP said his dad said "so was your mom" which implies his parents are no longer having sex. Just saying.
thisguy22 33
All that implies is past tense. Maybe she's not so tight these days.
SecundusSecunda 27
Hahahahah your dad is hilarious!
pete9913 23
He was just trying to get to you OP. He thought your reaction was funnier than his comment.
iamvanillabear 11
I'd be proud of my dad if he came out with something like that :)
ccameron12 21
That's actually pretty funny
iHyperModz 22
Classic dad joke.
hockey_kid23 18
I am mortified for you, that would need a whole lot of brain bleach to get past
morgasshk 14
Sounds like a legend. Lol