Today, I told my 13 year-old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming, "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I bought my daughter a rape alarm after she had a near-miss with a creep following her to her part-time job. As soon as I handed it to her in the car park, she accidentally set it off and one of her coworkers put me in a rather painful headlock and threw me to the ground, breaking my arm. FML
Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML
Today, I asked my fiancé's daughter to use her phone so I could call mine which I'd misplaced. Busy with homework, she nodded. Only after she jumped up did I notice that she had my number listed with a humiliating nickname, and accompanied by a photo of her middle finger. FML
Today, my mom took my cell to work with her. When she got home later, she scolded me for not answering her calls. When I pointed out that she'd taken it, she grounded me for "talking back". FML
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school. They found her on the roof, threatening to kill herself. I had to pretend to sound scared and sad over the phone, but in reality, the only emotion I could feel was extreme joy. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Today, I checked my inbox and realized I got an email from a potential employer, saying they were having trouble getting a hold of me by phone. They called while my mom was using my phone to look up directions to a place, and she answered, kindly hanging up when they asked for me. FML
Today, my "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use my phone to text my girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to my side of the story. FML
Today, at work I got told off by my manager for texting while working. Enraged by this, I trash talked her to the new girl at work. The new girl, a.k.a. my manager's daughter. FML
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Top comments
noshitsherlock 0
WOW. Since it was so ******* important (HELLO, JOB), you should punish her by making her live off of the bare minimum for at least a month - NO CELL PHONE AT ALL, basic shitty food, no new clothes, etc.
Simbo_fml 0
wow. you have a really messed up daughter.
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Comments (246)
ssshhhaaannn 0
HAHAHAH that's really funnny ! hahahah
BikerMike 0
tell the little brat of a **** that since you do not have a job you can't afford to keep her and you will have to give her up for adoption.
scateice 0
I've had a phone since I was 10. And haha, doesn't spanking stop at like 7?
ihrtspn 0
your daughters a ******* bitch
Sparkiee93 3
:O Very bad girl! My mom would beat the living crap out of me!! You should go through everything, and write down every text, (and let her know you have copies of them use them against her later), then view and erase every picture, video and music files, then give her back her phone and make sure to tell her it won't be for long since without your job you can't afford to keep such a nice phone for long and then turn the phone off within the week (also, "accidentally" break her charger so she can't use it for pictures or anything) then get her a Trac-Phone from the drugstore, and only 100 minutes a month, which she pays for or doesn't get, and no texting. [=
Madrias 36
She gets nothing. Copy everything off the phone and break it, cancel the plan, and go to just bare requirements to live. She deserves to be miserable till 18, where she'll be kicked out.
kelpie_fml 0
tell her she wont be getting a phone until she gets a job because you did not get a job because of her stupid ass. i didnt get my phone until i got a job! and plus, its tough luck getting a job nowdays so her actions cause you to not have the money for her phone service.
kushal73 0
y did 23 get buried.its true everybody has one and your a bad parent for not getting your kid a phone.seriously you have issues if you thing 23 is negative
cruncheweezy 0
... Hmmm... I've only ever heard that from spoiled, bratty pre-teens who can't type properly... Oh wait...
PinkPunch 0
lol i love how everyone comments on here freaking out like "OMG YOU DIDNT LET HER USE HER PHONE" haha seriously who cares why here phone was taken away or that "everyone needs a phone how dare you take her phone away" the fml was entertaining thats all that should matter.
Ssgsolbo13 0
u need to smack the shit out ur kid , that shit ain't funny ! plus it ****** up ur employment chances!
LucidDreamGod 0
You have to exercise more control, if it where up to me she'd never see a phone after that until she got a job. Didn't need a phone until I went to college.