Today, I dreamed that I got so nervous during a toast at my friend's wedding that I pissed myself. To coax myself to wake up, I took off my dress, stripped down to my underwear, and pinched myself. I wasn't dreaming. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a dream I was going the bathroom. I then woke up peeing, but I didn’t wet the bed yet. As I ran to the bathroom while half asleep and in the dark, I rammed into the wall. On my way back to bed, I tripped and accidentally slapped my fiancé in an effort to stop myself from falling over. FML
Today, I dreamt that I was using the toilet. The toilet was a dream, but the rest wasn't. My pants were soaked. FML
Today, I woke up because I really had to pee. I got out of bed, went to the bathroom and went back to bed. Or so I thought. I did pee, but I only dreamed that I got out of bed. FML
Today, I gave a toast at my close friend's wedding. The bride's little cousin snuck up behind me and unzipped my dress. As I ended my speech with, "To a night we will never forget!", my dress fell all the way down. I was quick. People's phones were quicker. Well, they won't forget my undies. FML
Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML
Today, I woke up and realized I had to pee sooo bad. The problem was, I sleep naked with my partner, who lives with one of their sisters. I didn't have time to get dressed before running to a shared bathroom, and even then I "drizzled" a little bit on the bathroom floor. I cleaned it and myself up but still… FML
Today, I was so drunk that I pissed myself in a hotel hallway while wearing a dress. My shoes squished all the way back to the room. FML
Today, I dreamt I wet my pants in front of everyone. It wasn’t a dream. A toddler laughed at me. FML
Today, I woke up following one of the worst nightmares of my life. I was sweating, clutching the sheets, and feeling sick to the stomach. I'd been dreaming of my wedding that's taking place next week. FML
Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML
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Top comments
Christina Winden 22
What? How in the world did you not realize that you’re awake? If you’re at a wedding I assume you had to get up, get dressed, find transportation there, etc. Did you enter a fugue state when you started the toast or....?
tounces7 28
Yeah, sounds more like you were extremely drunk, frankly. Shoulda took a few less trips to the open bar.
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Comments (10)
RichardPencil 32
Is this on video? I gotta see it! You, at a wedding, making a toast in nothing but piss-stained underwear? Surely, that has to be a classic. Kristen Wiig has to see that and add it to her "Sue" character.
Christina Winden 22
What? How in the world did you not realize that you’re awake? If you’re at a wedding I assume you had to get up, get dressed, find transportation there, etc. Did you enter a fugue state when you started the toast or....?
tounces7 28
Yeah, sounds more like you were extremely drunk, frankly. Shoulda took a few less trips to the open bar.
JasonThorn 23
You had to be intoxicated, OP. How else would "pinch myself" be so far down THAT list of choices?? It should have been #1, not below the "Embarrass Myself" section of choices.
adjwejaelwkdc 21
If you're serious about this, and if you were not extremely drunk at the time, then you might want to consider seeing a shrink about your breaks with reality....
Chazzster 32
If this was a dream and you pissed yourself in the dream then that’s one thing. But if this was really at the wedding with you dressed but not sure if you were awake that’s another (and pretty disturbing) thing. OP Which was it?
sarahcroy20 12
Um sounds like maybe you need some help.
BurnInDemonFire 39
"Oh my God... I've never been this nervous in my life... this is so scary I might... no, I am pissing myself... but it's okay, it's only a dream. Jeez, I can't stand here wearing clothes soaked in my own piss. I better take it off. I'll leave my underwear on, though. Don't want to freak out these dream guests. Although... it really doesn't feel like a dream. I'd better pinch myself just to make su... oh ****..." Time to get on that wagon, and stay there. After changing your name, and moving half way around the world, of course.