Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead I got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for my boyfriend to come home since we haven't had sex in almost a month. Hearing him come in, I struck my sexiest pose. He walked into our room and tossed his backpack at me. Not only did we not have sex, his backpack gave me a black eye. FML
Today, when I came home, my girlfriend was in sexy lingerie, and said it was a surprise for me. Sounds awesome, right? Too bad she was drenched in sweat and the room smelled like sex. I looked in the closet, only to get punched in the face by a naked guy. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML
Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML
Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML
Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by jumping into his arms. He panicked, stepped aside, and I crashed into the couch. FML
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against the wall and kiss me like they do in the movies. Being all aggressive and smooth, he grabs my shirt and pushes me. He pushed a little too hard and my head was thrown back into the wall. I was knocked out for ten minutes. FML
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML
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Top comments
Fop 6
YDI for hiding in someone else's closet... What the heck?
hockeyfml555 0
good job moron
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Comments (204)
AshleyRose784 0
feminist19: reflexive reactions to a suprising situation and domestic violence are completely different situations. To compare the two is ludicrous. OP: I'm sorry you got slapped but think about how you would react if you opened your closet and saw a man standing there. It woul be initially frightening to say the least. Keep trying though, you'll find something spontaneous he'll love.
SpitFyre 0
This FML totally reminded me of this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6mXfFTOxbM Not a naked girl jumping out, but still...
22jrdn55 15
rofl thats hilarious! but it looks like the guy with the mask passed out or something!
BeccaBek 0
YDI for not knowing the difference between sexy and scary.
14hatemachine 2
a slap isn't a heightened reflex....i think a punch would prove more effective haha
fmliz4nerdz2 0
ur an idiot lol nxt time do it like a normal person wuld
Calaura9 0
YLIG your boyfriend is a ninja!
Bankai_08 0
but did u guyz do it afterwards????? get ur freak on...ppuurrrrrr
jwheezy 0
YDI, but who knows..Maybe he's into S&M
No_fyl_cuz_ydi 0
how is jumping out to scare someone sexy ydi for tryin to be something you can never be
plexico 4
So, what kind of sammich did you make him? Bitch-slapping can make a man hon-gry! (Intoxicunt, I don't know why I am suddenly the "sammich" idiot. I guess it is to suppress the PBS-character/masturbation jag I've been on.)
Intoxicunt 6
Haha, well, it's a dirty job but someone has to do it! You can always switch to Disney, or go back to the mention of obscure and horrid sex acts. I've become the "Feminist19, shut the **** up!" person. Screwtaylor needs to share that life she found...
Intoxicunt 6
Oh wait, I figured it out. You're the 'sammich' guy because you need someone to make you a sammich. Just like we know why you're the PBS character guy... Get that wife of yours to make you a sammich!
Intoxicunt 6
Can I administer the spanking using a baseball bat? Haha. I'm bored. When are the new FMLs going to pop up?
feminist19 0
*Checks* Oh, hey! My mom is still alive! Looks like she DIDN'T die and leave you as my mentor and "boss". I guess I'm not going to be doing what you say, then. Oh well. My god you are bent, stage directions really? and i'm only on here for an hour or two? you've been on all day. your friends are internet friends, you get pleasure from being abusive towards me. to be honest your life sounds incredibly shit. and also to top it off your a lesbian. your life is so shit i wonder how you get the motivation to inhale and exhale?
Intoxicunt 6
What planet are you living on, wacko? 1-I have friends. 2-I'm not being abusive to you (although, that may give me some pleasure, let's try it!). 3-I'm not a lesbian. What dark region of your ass did you pull that from? 4-You don't know my life, you ******* nut job. You make yourself sound really stupid acting like you know something when you don't. 5-You tell ME to stop replying to you? I wasn't even talking to you. 6-You're the best troll on this site. Kudos. I guess that's like being the best bank robber or killer, but hey, at least you're the best at something. 7-Let me rephrase it for you: I check periodically the FML comments, unless I am having an ongoing conversation that I want to keep up with. #84, agreed.
feminist19 0
whats a troll?
Intoxicunt 6
The people who say politically incorrect things and outlandish shit to get responses from other users. Example: Women shouldn't be allowed to drive! Then a ton of people start yelling and it becomes World War III. However, most of them just get ignored. YOU don't. You've managed to do what ALL the trolls want: Get a huge argument started and keep it going. I've never seen a comment of yours where you either agreed with someone, said something nice, or just talked about the FML post without trying to start shit. Therefore (there you go, Plexico), you seem to be a troll.
feminist19 0
oh i see, well look intoxicunt the way i see it is, i commented on this directly to the OP, i wasnt looking for a response. and just because you havent seen me say one nice thing, doesnt mean i havent, unless u really are just following me around..... i no by saying stuff like women shouldnt drive you are just tryin to piss me off but i'm not taking the bait, perhaps myself and yourself should avoiud each other on this site. and if we do i just want you to know that i do forgive you for everything incorrect and hurtful you've written as you do not know any better, and i hope some day you find god or at the very least peace with yourself
Intoxicunt 6
I agree with you. The avoiding each other part sounds like a good idea. Also, I was quoting the "trolls" when saying "women shouldn't drive". I think women are better drivers.
feminist19 0
we finally agree on something, just goes to show anything can happen, ttyl intoxicunt
plexico 4
Intoxicunt, I thought a troll said something offensive that was not at all relevant to the topic. Sometimes you'll see things like "YDI for being a [n-word] ." feminist19 appears to be a shit-stirrer. Her original comment that started the firestorm seemed shrill, but boring. I don't know why that started such a dust-up. I'd like to permit you to issue the spanking, but she needs to get it from a real man. Don't worry, I won't be violent. I think she'll find it so much fun that she'll make me a . . . wait on it . . . wait on it . . . a sammich!
canucksrule88 0
her posts got deleted? lol
Intoxicunt 6
Plexi: I'm defining it based on my own interpretation. Haha. Wait, I thought you said she needed it from a real man. Why would you be doing it??? ;) Whoa, you mean I can get a spanking for the low cost of a sammich? Sweet! I just need to find someone who wants a sammich. To the other person: Yeah, I think her posts got deleted for causing too much arguing and stuff. >_>
_THE_MASTER_ 0
wow...so everyone who blasted Fem19 into deletion i'd like to say to all of you(including myself) JORB WELL DONE!!!!! VICTORY AND PANCAKES AND SPOUSAL ABUSE EVERLASTING!!!!! AND SAMMICHES!!!! DON"T ******* FORGET PLEXICO"S ******* SAMMICHES!!!!!
plexico 4
_THE_MASTER, would those be Boston Pancakes?
Intoxicunt 6
_THE_MASTER_ Say no!
_THE_MASTER_ 0
all kinds of pancakes...there's nobody to stop them anymore. they can roam free in the wilderness where they belong, where they shall be hunted...mercilessly...
Intoxicunt 6
Wild pancakes? I like mine like I like my women: lying still and smothered in syrup.
_THE_MASTER_ 0
funny...I like MY women like I like my coffee...ground up and in the freezer...I mean...No, wait...I said it right...=D
Intoxicunt 6
I like my women like I like my coffee, hot and sweet. Or cold and bitter. Or black and strong! :) I still like yours better. Winnage.
plexico 4
I like my women like I like my coffee: cold, bitter and barely tolerable with the addition of artificial chemicals. That's my motto. Start the T-shirt machines!
Intoxicunt 6
Haha. You LIKE your women that way? I thought you liked women who make sammiches and enjoy the thought of Dirty Sanchez.
_THE_MASTER_ 0
Dirty Sanchez? isn't he some kind of rapper?
Intoxicunt 6
Hahaha. Yep. He eats Alabama Hotpockets and Boston Pancakes before every show he performs. He always wears his lucky pink socks, too.
nativebacon 0
I like my women like I like my coffee, hot and strong.... and with a spoon in them! ? I love Eddie Izzard.