Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML
Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML
Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML
Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML
Today, I was on my back porch having a cigarette. Not being all that awake yet, I threw the butt, still smoldering, on the ground. Did I remember that there was an ashtray right next to me? No. I did what I would do at work; I stamped it out. Barefoot. FML
Today, on a whim, I decided to try to light a fart on fire. I now know how it feels to take a dump when you have a burn directly on your asshole. FML
Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML
Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML
Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML
Today, while I was out, I was having a drink with a pretty girl. She started looking at my crotch and said, smiling, "There's something burning down there." I smiled, but she insisted. Ashes had set my trousers on fire. FML
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Top comments
AndelleRae 9
... Why is cigarette in quotation marks? Why not just say "I was smoking a joint?" Also. You're a woman with an uncomfortable burn on your man member? ... Whatever floats you're boat. And sorry if you're transgendered and I've offended you.
Jimboom 12
Ha ha! Sorry to hear that happened but yes, smoking is bad Mmmmkay. Could have been worse though.... it could have been a cigar.
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Comments (192)
Chasted 0
Lolfake :D (Assuming there isn't another story going on)
glassjaw_90 0
Hermaphrodites who smoke weed on on the toilet get their man parts burned, everyone knows that.
russianredgirl 0
lolololol truethat a woman with a man member hah
Kev_a_Sutra 10
hahaha good one
stanzskin 0
#15 - You win 1,000,000 internets for that post! Pick them up at the information desk before 5pm.
vvtumblesbee 0
especially ones from jersey.
twilight_addict 0
that's what happens when people smoke
SirAwesome 0
What's the issue people? He's obviously a guy who was still so influenced by his "cigarette" that he clicked the wrong gender.
thedub1 0
Aye ineed
vanaathiel 13
lol exactly
Pastor_Rich 0
no comment
RadioactiveGirl 0
That *was* a comment. It was just a pointless one.
div01 2
Well technically...it was a statement. Stating that he was not going to comment. It's okay for important people who's comments we might take into consideration to do it to keep public relations intact, but for some random douchebag...we don't care if you'd like to comment or not. So still a fail.
xBlessedxInxSINx 0
haha #15
Tubasaurus 0
LOLWUT
24788 7
She better not be bigger than me. :( I bet her man member is huge.
RelayGraham 0
!-800-ACS-2345: The American Cancer Society's toll free helpline. They can help you quit smoking, so this doesn't happen again.
kitkatkelly 0
Dude, it was a joint. As in, no nicotine. I think cigarettes are horrible but chill out a little, yeah?
6SiC6Magg0tKnot 0
YDI for being a tranny ****** and for smoking cigarettes. Learn to smoke marijuana you pussy
JessTrek 0
You're obviously an idiot. To the OP, you couldn't have put your "cigarette" down for even a minute?
Fop 6
Wow 26, smoking is bad no matter what you smoke. And why is the OP a ******? Was probably too influenced by the weed to pick the correct gender...