Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML
Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML
Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML
Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML
Today, I was on my back porch having a cigarette. Not being all that awake yet, I threw the butt, still smoldering, on the ground. Did I remember that there was an ashtray right next to me? No. I did what I would do at work; I stamped it out. Barefoot. FML
Today, on a whim, I decided to try to light a fart on fire. I now know how it feels to take a dump when you have a burn directly on your asshole. FML
Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML
Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML
Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML
Today, while I was out, I was having a drink with a pretty girl. She started looking at my crotch and said, smiling, "There's something burning down there." I smiled, but she insisted. Ashes had set my trousers on fire. FML
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Top comments
AndelleRae 9
... Why is cigarette in quotation marks? Why not just say "I was smoking a joint?" Also. You're a woman with an uncomfortable burn on your man member? ... Whatever floats you're boat. And sorry if you're transgendered and I've offended you.
Jimboom 12
Ha ha! Sorry to hear that happened but yes, smoking is bad Mmmmkay. Could have been worse though.... it could have been a cigar.
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Comments (192)
pineapples_fml 5
..and that is why you don't smoke weed on the toilet
freddie_fml 0
You deserve it for using the phrase "man member." So ridiculous.
guitardedman 0
i like how some people cant discern the fact that he was smoking a joint, and accidentally clicked the "woman" box instead of man. let me sum it up for the slow, a man burnt his **** while he was smoking a blunt on the shitter. there..clear enough?
iSmellNice 2
Knew it was a YDI as soon as I read "I thought it was a good idea"
well_this_sucks 0
the he-she FAILS.
drinkupgorgeous 0
Haha most of the comments made me laugh more than I did at the FML itself.
xxXChiiXxx 2
He was going "number two". I think guys sit on the toilet when they're pooping. :p
TheSuitGuy 0
What part of fire + your nuts seemed like a good idea? YDI
Hich17 0
I was going to say YDI, but... No one deserves that. Sorry, buddy.
Fml37 0
That sucks, but why is cigarette in quotations. Were you getting high, and trying to go to the bathroom at the same time? If so, YDI for trying to multitask when high. I can barely text when I'm high. But that's gotta hurt like hell. I burned my finger on a cig one time, and it burned for like 2 hours. I can only imagine the pain your in...