Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML
Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML
Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML
Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML
Today, I was on my back porch having a cigarette. Not being all that awake yet, I threw the butt, still smoldering, on the ground. Did I remember that there was an ashtray right next to me? No. I did what I would do at work; I stamped it out. Barefoot. FML
Today, on a whim, I decided to try to light a fart on fire. I now know how it feels to take a dump when you have a burn directly on your asshole. FML
Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML
Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML
Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML
Today, while I was out, I was having a drink with a pretty girl. She started looking at my crotch and said, smiling, "There's something burning down there." I smiled, but she insisted. Ashes had set my trousers on fire. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
AndelleRae 9
... Why is cigarette in quotation marks? Why not just say "I was smoking a joint?" Also. You're a woman with an uncomfortable burn on your man member? ... Whatever floats you're boat. And sorry if you're transgendered and I've offended you.
Jimboom 12
Ha ha! Sorry to hear that happened but yes, smoking is bad Mmmmkay. Could have been worse though.... it could have been a cigar.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (192)
FOBpeteyisgay 0
You're a woman... So says your profile....
boogersyum 0
You definetly diserve it for smoking in the first place, idiot.
Guitarist45 0
Where the hell do you people get that this person is a woman? read it again CAREFULLY. and #4 and #37, 4 is a dumbass. youre pumping smoke and poisons into your lungs. and 37, my school is full of stoners. none of them are intelligent. they're all stupid dumbasses. again, if you even try pot, you're not intelligent for all the reasons above.
djb23 0
On 07/17/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey) haha speaking of intelligence... it must suck though, you don't even get to smoke weed to become a dumbass, nature's already made you one!
x_Life_Hater_x 0
Uh I'd just like to point out that not EVERYONE who does pot and shit are stupid. I.e, a friend of mine is stoned most of the time yet won the math award at my school... Plus art schools are full of stoners, you calling them stupid to?
skullbuster 0
@x_Life_Hater_x: Being an artist is not a sign of intelligence. Creativity, maybe (I'd have to see the art), but intelligence - NO!
doof_fisch 2
I just love a weenie roast.
ihatestupidppl 0
lmao!
ihatestupidppl 0
OP, whether you're a man or woman or in between...YDI for thinking it would be a "good idea" to go anywhere near your naked crotch with something that is ON FIRE.
car6435 0
ow. no matter what you do not deserve that. Fyl
ScreamToday 0
Are you a hermaphrodite? Because last I heard, a ****** wasn't called a 'man member'. This post is BS, and on the off chance that you did burn yourself, YDI for being an idiot.
primogen18 0
...Man member? WHAT. ARE. YOU?!
Stevieebabyy 0
1. You secretly KNEW it was a bad idea. 2. Did you just ******* realize that smoking was bad?
idaworst 0
dude did u like get a sex change or sumthing
lightburns 10
#144 Just have to say, that if she was saying that she is a woman with a penis, then she won't have got a sex change.. She would be pre-op. Maybe intersexed. But a transman wouldn't say "female" for his gender, so if she is trans, she hasn't got a sex change.. Still, the post is confusing as hell, I'd like it if he/she/they cleared up what his/her/their gender is.