Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML
Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML
Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML
Today, I accidentally dropped my cigarette down my shirt. There are now two unsightly, painful burns right in the center of my chest. FML
Today, I was on my back porch having a cigarette. Not being all that awake yet, I threw the butt, still smoldering, on the ground. Did I remember that there was an ashtray right next to me? No. I did what I would do at work; I stamped it out. Barefoot. FML
Today, on a whim, I decided to try to light a fart on fire. I now know how it feels to take a dump when you have a burn directly on your asshole. FML
Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML
Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML
Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML
Today, while I was out, I was having a drink with a pretty girl. She started looking at my crotch and said, smiling, "There's something burning down there." I smiled, but she insisted. Ashes had set my trousers on fire. FML
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Top comments
AndelleRae 9
... Why is cigarette in quotation marks? Why not just say "I was smoking a joint?" Also. You're a woman with an uncomfortable burn on your man member? ... Whatever floats you're boat. And sorry if you're transgendered and I've offended you.
Jimboom 12
Ha ha! Sorry to hear that happened but yes, smoking is bad Mmmmkay. Could have been worse though.... it could have been a cigar.
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Comments (192)
uberchicken 0
I think it's a trap.
zed_eh 0
wwjd?
blondiee09 0
uhh your man member? this is posted as an anonymous woman. I'm assuming this is either a joke or a mistake
zargon 1
Or the person could be transgendered. I wouldn't expect such a person to use the term "man member', but it's not out of the question.
blondiee09 0
geez guitarist take a ******* pill. And besides, of the top 20 students in my high school, 15 are hard core partiers. dont assume people dont smoke or drink just because you dont know if they do or dont djb23 = HERO :)
iTz_Mark 0
a man member? You have a Penis? o_o
ladydutch154 0
you never shoulda started smoking in the first place its bad for you dumb ass
threatsketch 0
i think you deserved it for smoking, idiot
cr1sis 0
thats distrubing but haha ydi for smoking in the first place but i have some sympathy if you started during say the 50s cause it wasnt really considered bad back then and it would mean its impossibly hard for you to quit
omgzdude 0
smoking is bad-- no shit, sherlock.
Tiger171 13
Okay, Duh!!! Smoking kills you. If you smoke, your lungs fill with tar! Do not smoke!