Today, I swallowed and nearly choked to death on the ring my boyfriend hid in my wine glass. It's still in me somewhere, and my doctor basically told me that I'll have to "keep an eye on things" if I want to find it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, and he thought it would be funny to steal my ring and "pretend" to swallow it. I tried to get it back, but unfortunately I "surprised" him. He reckons I'll get it back some time tomorrow. FML
Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML
Today, I swallowed the piercing that I had bought for my tongue yesterday. FML
Today, my dog somehow managed to swallow a ring that my mother had bought me. Now I must carefully poke and search through each pile of dog crap I find in my yard for the next week. FML
Today, during lunch, I choked on my food and possibly came close to death when my boyfriend's best friend performed the Heimlich Maneuver on me, potentially saving my life. My boyfriend then started arguing with me over letting his best friend touch my stomach. FML
Today, I thought the ring my boyfriend bought for me had fallen off while emptying the trash into the bin. After panicking and emptying a week's worth of rubbish onto the ground, I found my ring safe and sound. On my other hand. FML
Today, after just having used the bathroom, my ring fell in the toilet. After stealthily removing it with a toothbrush, I went to go wash it in the sink. It then fell down the drain. FML
Today, I was about to make out with my boyfriend, so I quickly swallowed my gum. Moments later, I started choking on the gum, and ended up spitting it out into his face. FML
Today, I found out that last night, when I drank a bit too much and blacked out, I freaked out about "losing my tampon in my vagina" and made my boyfriend fish through to look for it. I had already taken it out before then, and was too drunk to realize. He told me he almost called 911. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. Trying to be suave, he put a Kool-Fruit between his teeth and motioned for me to kiss him so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do so, I inhaled, swallowing it. He then had to watch me dry-retching as I tried to get it back up. FML
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Top comments
brackaman 18
Hey, it's what's inside that counts.
Adeptasaurus 12
I swear, if someone says it...
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Comments (154)
kinginsun 1
Don't worry too much! Those things will come out at last.
Mynamewontfi 40
Never understood why people would put a ring in food or drinks to propose. Doesn't seem that romantic to me. Lets hope you find it soon.
thenewgirl29 20
I like your profile pic. Tom Waits?
DragonDude 24
Never seen the show, but let's put this on 1000 Ways to Die.
eternal_malaise 10
Sue the ring manufacturer. They should have a label warning not to do that. :D
Ziggy122 15
Well, that was a sweet gesture from your boyfriend, even if it was a dumb idea...
lalaney 14
You'd have to have been chugging that wine for that to happen. You're supposed to sip wine.
olpally 33
Make him buy a new one since this one is definitely going down the toilet. I wouldn't even think of trying to retrieve the ring.
8born8 18
Clearly you've never been around a person who ingested something they shouldn't have, e.g. kids. Any dr will tell you, the stool needs to be examined/searched to be sure the object was passed and is not going to cause a bowel obstruction or anything serious like that. It's more for safety and peace of mind, rather than wanting to retrieve the object.
mattorama 15
I would put the deuce in a bag that contains it, give it to him and tell him no, simply based on using such an idiotic, cliche , and outright dangerous method of proposing.
Damian95 16
She must've been straight chugging to swallow the ring. I can barely down a large pill.
Cwizer 17
That's so sweet, like butterfly's inside your belly sweet