Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss in my police department told me to start enforcing the "No bikes on sidewalks" law, which we usually ignore. I pulled up behind the first person I saw riding a bike on a sidewalk and flashed my lights. It turned out to be a boy with Down's syndrome, who was so upset he cried and peed. FML
Today, as I was riding my bike, I saw a bunch of cute guys checking me out. Not paying attention, I then ran into a parked police car. Besides getting laughed at, I got a ticket for damaging police property. FML
Today, my bike was stolen. These things happen, so I went to work. On my walk to work, a girl pulls up on my bike and says I needed to fix the brakes, someone could kill themselves. She hands the bike to me and runs off. Not even 3 minutes pass before police surrounded me and accused me of stealing my own bike. FML
Today, after being promised a job and attending five full days of training and induction for a job as a bicycle delivery officer, I was denied the job at the very end of the last day for, "riding my bicycle too quickly on the road." FML
Today, I walked outside to this guy attempting to steal my bike. When I asked him what he was doing he calmly replied, "I'm a bike inspector. You hooked your chain all wrong! This time is a warning; next time it'll be a ticket!" He then threw his full, opened Pepsi can at me. FML
Today, I thought everyone was smiling at me because they liked my "skateboarding behind a police motorcycle" prank. Turns out, they all saw the open sewer manhole 10 metres ahead. FML
Today, it was my first day as a police officer. A couple of hours into the shift, we got a call. A man was drunkenly jeering and urinating on parked cars. That man turned out to be my father. FML
Today, I got home to three boys riding bikes out in front of my house, smiling at me. I instantly thought they were checking me out, so I smiled sweetly at them. Turns out they were flaunting the fact that they just stole all 3 of our bikes. FML
Today, it's been two weeks since I honked, screamed, and cussed at a cyclist on the road. Since then, my car has been keyed, my tires have been slashed, bricks have been thrown at my windows, and my number has been put on Craigslist as a gay prostitute. FML
Today, some blowhard on a motorcycle yelled at me for jaywalking, causing him to almost hit a dumpster. He picked up and threw an empty beer can at me when I started giggling at the sticker on the front of his helmet that said, "If you can read this, I have lost my caravan." FML
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Top comments
Kyuubi1589 1
Do the wheelie. Show em' who's boss!
iAmScrubs 19
Bad boys bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when my bike chain break loose?
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Comments (240)
jonisprettycool 5
You're a ******* COP. Get their shit in place!
khaya 9
This shit is too funny. You must be the creepy cop at work that nobody likes.
Lexianne 9
Perhaps a little ”stickplay” is in order? Oh, wait, that's right, you aren't one of LAPD's ” finest.” Still, FYL for sure. To be insulted and mocked daily by the very people whom you have been employed to protect must seriously be upsetting.
13whatsername13 0
The idiots who'd shout that shit at the guards wouldn't be the ones OP would be employed to protect, if anything protect other people against. Or at least to waste endless time stopping them doing other pointless shit.
xrainbowshadowx 17
They see me bikin' they hatin'
Majstr 23
Good one!
Jenningst 0
That's when you pull off a sweet jump and show those hoodlums whose boss.
azgt 3
A simple shot of the taser will wipe the smiles of their faces ... :)
sweetalicious 1
gangsters are so hot :) don't you know that everyone hates the po-po?? ydi for not knowing!
chick011 0
Yes, because "men" with baggy pants all the way to their knees, and shirts just as long are attractive. I would know, my idiot cousins dress like that.
a_nutritionist 10
@59 does your idiot cousin have the same problem with sarcasm detection? i assume their comment was sarcasm because even idiots like your cousin dont usually say shit THAT stupid.
Tyger44 1
So much hate for cops,they have a tough job next to the army&hospital staff.dont let it get it ta ya mate. Who they gna call when the shit goes down?
bretty_boieeeeyy 0
um there gang member friends?
mohammadkm95 6
Ghostbusters duhh
mrspeacock_fml 0
if you are a cop....make an example of them... duuurrrr. do what cops do best.
Manchester_City1 0
Eat donuts ??
captainfalcon7 0
you're a cop.. do something about it. No wonder they called it the girl bike.